04 Feb 2013

links i love

What Should Children Read?

I realize that complaining about the Common Core is SO last year at this point… but wow, it is SO WEIRD. This New York Times opinion piece is a good primer of how the Common Core standards interact with children’s literature, and how maybe that isn’t an awful thing. As someone with a soft spot for quality children’s nonfiction, I’d love to see more support for writers and researchers to keep up their good work, and the author of this piece agrees!

 

Sketchbook Project – Filling my Bookshelves

One of my random passions – looking at the sketchbooks and schedules and handwritten ephemera of strangers. The Sketchbook Project is a collaborative art effort where folks submit their sketchbooks to share with the world. Awesome enough as it is, but librarian Sally Gore took it to yet another awesome level: in the style of Ideal Bookshelf, Ms. Gore used her sketchbook to draw her year’s reading, arranged by topic. Love, love, love it.

 

10 Year Plan

I have had a three year plan, plenty of one year plans, and zillions and zillions and zillions of one month, one week, one day, one hour plans… but never a ten year plan. In this entry from the Blogher book club, Karen Ballum reviews Kate and Dave Marshall’s My Life Map: A Journal to Help Shape Your Future and although Karen is intrigued but skeptical, I am completely interested.  I should probably not read this book unless I have a few weeks of free time, because I can only imagine how obsessed I might get in creating such a document. Ten years… can you imagine?

 

The Art of Writing

Nina Lindsay’s essay is on the topic of “What Makes a Book a Newbery Book,” but could really be read as “What Makes Art Art.” She talks about the inherent struggle of writing, of critiquing and comparing books, in how she hopes that one day a Newbery-winning author’s retirement is covered by the New York Times. I liked this quote the best: “If I can see the author’s struggle in a work, then it’s probably not distinguished.  If I can see that the author didn’t struggle: it’s certainly not.” Truth in a contradiction.

 

 

Rights and Responsibilities for That Girl That is Desperate To Be Married

It is hard being a girl who wants to be married: the world agrees that yes, you probably should get married, but don’t want it too bad, don’t pressure, don’t have a timetable. Just sit pretty and wait. Frustrating. This is an article I wish I could have found three or four years ago.

 

Impromptu Thanksgiving Makeover

I read a handful of home decorating/design blogs, and I’ve always wondered what happens to these bloggers once the projects are all finished, when their entire house is done. You can keep tinkering with room layouts and upgrading furniture, but at some point, do you just get the urge to move out and start over? Daniel at Manhattan Nest finds the fun happy medium – visit your relatives over the holidays and force-redecorate a room! This makeover was even more fun because Daniel is redecorating his partner’s teenaged bedroom, so while he paints and rearranges and designs, he’s also getting a peek into a previous life.

 

The Daily Routines of Famous Writers

Like many pseudo-writers, I have a little bit of jealous fascination for the daily routines of authors, like somewhere in these habits that holds the key to genius and success. This collection is top notch, and reminds me of something important: that creativity and practice and writing looks different to everyone who attempts it. If one routine isn’t working, there are others that might better suit your temperament. Stay flexible, stay hopeful, etc.

 

The Art of Video Games

I am not quite a gamer, but I am a nearly 28-year-old woman and I still do love video games, I do, and I love the idea of video games as art. With HD and advanced consoles, I’ve seen video games that look more like movies than movies, video games that get trailers at feature films, but there is something artful about older, less visually-impressive games, too. Ever played Katamari Damacy? This game is just as abstract, surreal, and irreverent as any contemporary visual art piece I’ve seen at a museum. The Boy and I visited MoMA and they were in the process of building this video game exhibit; we may have to visit once it is up and running!

 

Romancing the Writing

I seem to have adopted Sara Zarr as my Patron Saint of Creativity/Writing/Life. Her blog, especially, is just the kind of thing I like to read about writing – honest, straightforward, sometimes questioning or doubtful, but absent of fluff or filler. Zarr takes her writing, her practice, seriously. This post ruminates on this quote from writer/director Scott Derrickson – “It’s ingratitude that destroys that romance” – that seems to apply to writing, relationships, religion, the way that we all live our lives. I don’t know if I will ever be a person who can keep a trendy “gratitude journal” or box or jar whatever else is going around Pinterest, but this article reminds me that the small act of being thankful can change my attitude, my worldview, my life. Be grateful, be grateful, be grateful.

 

02 Feb 2013

Michael L. Printz Awards, 2013

Awards!! Yay!!

What better a way to spend an hour on Monday morning than tuning into the livecast? Last year, I was commuting during the announcements, but this year I saved some special, boring data-related work tasks to do while I watched, and then BAM it was lunch – morning well spent.

Congrats to Rachel Hartman’s Seraphina for taking home the William C. Morris last week. Commenter Sarah pretty much insisted it would win, so I put it on hold, and then it won and I felt like a prescient rockstar, even though it wasn’t my idea at all. Shall we continue our ALA Youth Media Award Blitz with a little more YA? I think so…

 

Award

In Darkness by Nick Lake

Have I mentioned how much I love awards? I do love awards, I do! In Darkness is one reason why I love awards – because even when you read and read and read and follow the buzz and there are books you just know are going to win… well, that awards committee is reading books that you’ve never even heard of. And those invisible books are awesome, so they win.

I had not heard of In Darkness, but I think I saw the phrase “drinking blood to survive” in a review, so I’m guessing intense, crazy, and awesome.

Honors

Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe by Benjamin Alire Sáenz

Well, well. We meet again. This winner was the one that excited most of my friends and colleagues – I can think of two folks who read it between Monday and today, work book-club picked it for next month… and I’m thinking about how I renewed it five times and it sat on the floor by my bed, unread for all five renewals.

Code Name Verity by Elizabeth Wein

Well, no surprise here! I haven’t read this. I need to read it. It is sitting within my arm’s reach right now. I could reach over and read it, I could! But I’m not, because I am writing this post and watching Girls for the umpteenth time and I don’t always make great decisions with my time. There you have it.

Dodger by Terry Pratchett

I also love awards because the books and authors that are New! and Flashy! and So-Good! often obscure those authors that have chugged along, writing books that aren’t full of flash, for years and years and years and continue to do so. Like Terry Pratchett. I’ve only read Nation which also won a Printz honor – and I liked it; long, wordy but not dense, playful, funny. Dodger apparently stars both Charles Dickens and Sweeney Todd, which sounds like madcappy fun.

The White Bicycle by Beverley Brenna

The dark horse of this year’s Printz. This is the third in a series, which means if you want to read it, you’ll have to get a hold of two other books first. And by “you” I mean “me” – maybe you are not such a series purist. This series is about a teenage girl with Aspergers, and in this installment, she travels to France on a babysitting job… which sounds like a book that I would love, so maybe I’ll start hunting down books one and two?

01 Feb 2013

define our terms

“An inexpensive paperback book from a reputable publisher is a small, rectangular, boxlike object a few inches long, a few inches wide, and an an inch or so thick. It is easy to stack and store, easy to buy, keep, give away, or throw away. As an object, it is user-friendly and routine, a mature technological form, hard to improve upon and easy to like.

Many people, myself among them, feel better at the mere sight of a book.”

 

Jane Smiley – 13 Ways of Looking at the Novel

31 Jan 2013

addendum

One more piece of advice for those of you looking to Read More Books, or otherwise fulfill librarian/avid reader/nerd girl stereotypes:

 

Procure a cuddly cat creature.

You will find yourself frequently trapped, pinned down, unable to get up and move around your home as you please, and that one chapter you wanted to read will turn into twelve.

Bonus: you will have an adorable view.

30 Jan 2013

how to read more

Hey guys: it’s almost February. How are your New Year’s Resolutions going? I am making my bed every day and working on my secret resolutions and have read 12 books toward my perennial goal of reading 100 books in 2013. I try to read 100 books every year. It’s a nice round number, high enough that I push myself to read more but not too high that I go crazy trying to finish. Some years I easily read 130 – others, I squeak in #100 on December 31st.

Are you trying to read more this year? Are you already feeling anxious about your goal? If so, let me share some Reading Pro-Tips with you! There are a bazillion ways to squeeze more reading into your days and nights; here are a few I employ on a regular basis.

 

Set up “reading triggers”

Wanting to read more is kind of like wanting to exercise more or drink more water or any other number of a do-goody kind of ways to change your life. And what’s the best way to make these changes? Build habits. A good way to build a reading habit is to set up “triggers” – habits you already have or everyday activities that you can just… uh… add a book to.

Read a little when you first get up in the morning, or read a little right before bed. Read when you get out of the shower but haven’t committed to putting on clothing yet. When I was in college, I missed reading books for fun, so I decided that when I was a few minutes early to class, instead of trying to cram in last minute studying (like that works anyway…) I would read a book. A few pages here and there eventually adds up to a book, and then there’s the chance that when you start, you’ll be sucked in and want to read more. Hopefully not *while* class is in session… but I wouldn’t judge you.

 

Read for a few minutes before you are allowed to watch TV/get on the computer

This is like a trigger but in reverse – any time you have the urge to surf the Internet or turn on some mindless TV reruns, remind yourself that Books > Better than all that crap. Not that you need to quit all that stuff, you’re just delaying for a few minutes – read a chapter before partaking in electronic media.

Sometimes I do this and end up sitting with my laptop open in lap, my book open and covering the screen. This is weird and burns out my battery. But it gets the job done.

 

Carry a book with you

Dumbest advice ever… but you should do it. Every time I go to the DMV or get stuck on a train or on a long bus ride or a delayed flight, I just feel so sad for everyone who is just abjectly miserable because nobody likes waiting. I am also just confused as to why these people didn’t bring a book. Just bring a book! Put it in your purse! If you’re a dude, stick a paperback in your back pocket and make all the nerdy girls on the train stare at you lasciviously. It’s easy, and the next time you get trapped in a really long Starbucks line you’ll be the only person without the urge to stab people.

(You may also need to pretend you don’t own a smartphone with games and Instagram for this tactic to work. Good luck!)

(Also, you have to be the kind of person who likes to carry a lot of crap around with you at all times. A beast of burden, if you will.)

 

Read different books at different times

This is Advanced Level Reading, and might not work for everyone. However, it’s a habit that works very well for me, so if you are a person who gets bored halfway through a book, you might give it a try.

Before grad school, when I was living in my parents’ large home, I would keep different books in different parts of the house – a book in the family room for reading during breakfast, a book in my bedroom to read before bed, a book by the computer to read while waiting for The Sims 2 to load. Then there was an audio book in the car, a book in my purse to read at lunch at work, a book that was bendable enough to shove in the magazine holder on the elliptical machine in my gym bag. Okay, this is ridiculous, but also, practical. You will always have the book you need in the format you need where you need it.

Now, I prefer to keep 2-3 books in a rotation, usually two new ones I can alternate depending on my mood, and a re-read I’ll dip into for a few days and then forget about for a week or two. An audiobook for going to sleep and doing chores. Again, this might be the most repellant idea you’ve ever heard, but I like the feeling that if I want to read, I can read anything – not just get stuck reading something that I’m not enjoying. It keeps reading fresh.

 

Read while walking

I probably shouldn’t recommend this because it is dangerous, but I have definitely done it and have not died yet. It’s not as hard as you think – your eyes adjust. At one point, I could read books while running on the treadmill.

What I don’t recommend is reading while walking while wearing sunglasses without your contacts when your path includes many driveways and cross streets.

But, do what you got to do. Read at your own risk, yo.

 

Try an audiobook

There are so many things you can do while listening to an audiobook. So. Many. Here are twelve to get you started:

1) Drive

2) Exercise

3) The dishes

4) Fold your laundry

5) Play with Legos

6) Walk to class or work

7) Fall asleep

8 ) Knit

9) Quilt

10) Do a jigsaw puzzle

11) Take a bath (I wouldn’t do it, but I live with someone who does)

12) Clean out your email inbox

Audiobooks are the multitasker’s delight. If you haven’t tried one yet, I would recommend the following tactic: check out 3 or 4 from the library at once because you will probably hate at least two of the narrators.

 

Read something you… ah… want to read

Look, guys. If you are going to read in 2013, read something you actually want to read! Nothing breaks my heart more than when people want to get back into reading and think a good place to start is with those classics that you kinda read in high school. Don’t do it. Start somewhere else! Re-read a favorite from the last time you read books (even if it was when you were nine). Read something brand new. Read a cult classic. Ask a librarian for a recommendation. Read a crappy romance, some fluffy chick-lit, read Twilight, it doesn’t matter. Just don’t start the year off forcing yourself through something you aren’t enjoying – get the wheels rolling first, save Gatsby for the second half of the year.

If you can pull this one off – find a book that doesn’t feel like work, that pulls you along, that calls to you from your purse or your bedside table – then the rest of these suggestions will fall into place, or you won’t need them anymore because you’ll just be reading.

28 Jan 2013

so you ran out of This American Life, vol. 3

You remember my blue notebook, right? Well, I have three weeks worth of data now, and the numbers are in: I manage to listen to 12 to 20 podcasts a week, even without podcasting during my commute. Yow-za.

Anyway, recently I felt the urge to replenish my supply with some new podcasts. I’d recently caught up with a few podcasts I’d started listening to from the beginning (!!) and was feeling like some others I’d listened to a lot were ready to be semi-retired – I’ll listen if I’m in the mood, or if a good guest appears. This happens with blogs I read too: every so often, I want to clean house and add some new blood.

That was a weird mixed metaphor.

This is a long weird way of saying: here are some new podcasts I’ve been digging:

I have not mentioned this before, but I am a big fan of podcasts about Love and Sex and Relationships. You guys are all completely shocked, I can tell. Anyway… This Feels Terrible is a podcast about Love and Sex and Relationships, with an emphasis on how awful they are. Despite my love of the contemporary young adult romance and a tendency to wax mush-tastic about my own current romance, I am actually fairly obsessed with how awful love can be. Host Erin McGathy – otherwise known as Dan Harmon’s girlfriend – interviews comedians and actors about their own romantic histories and their present dating habits, airing all their dirty laundry and dysfunctions. Oh, and it’s funny, too. Also, Erin McGathy talks a lot about her overwhelmingly awkward childhood, which is pretty much my own awkward childhood if I’d had 100x the chutzpah.

I have read blogs that led me to books. I have read books that led me to blogs. I have read blogs that led me to podcasts. I have never listened to a podcast that led me to a blog, but for the past few weeks I have been wondering why the HECK I haven’t been reading Joy the Baker! Joy’s podcast is completely winning – Joy and Tracy (who has her own super-popular blog) are just shooting the shit. There is no other way to explain what this podcast is about. Yes, they talk about blogging, about fashion (sort of), and yes, about food and drinks, but yeah – these two ladies are just friends having a good time. This podcast reminds me of conversations I have with my friends after a few drinks, or any conversation with my sisters. I love it – I’m starting from the beginning, and reading Joy’s super-popular blog.

Some other podcast related updates

Two of my favorite podcasters – Nikki and Sara of You Had to Be There – have landed a LATE NIGHT TALK SHOW ON MTV. It premiers tomorrow night and I am way, way, way excited.

My podcasting friends are still podcasting at JD’s Cocktail Lounge, and are really hitting their stride. Also worth noting: somehow, this podcast has become, in part, a love letter to the bizarre little city where I resided from the ages of 13 to 23. If you ever wanted to know more about Jackson, Michigan and how completely RIDICULOUS it is, or if you are a Jackson resident yourself, then this podcast is probably for you.

WTF is still WTF, but I have to say, these past few weeks? Knocking it out of the park. Favorites of late include Elizabeth Banks, Seth Green, Adam Schlesinger (of Fountains of Wayne)… and I haven’t listened to the Tim Ferriss episode yet, but Tim Ferriss, guys. He is a crazy person, so how can that not be good?

Also, I am going to a live WTF in February!

!!!

!!!!

I should really remind myself of this more often. Grumpy? Cold? Tired? Well, you are going to a live WTF! Woohoo!!

Previous podcast posts:

So You Ran Out of This American Life, vol 1

So You Ran Out of This American Life, vol 2

26 Jan 2013

William C. Morris Award, 2013

Did you know that this weekend is the ALA Midwinter Conference? And that on the last morning of the conference, at the crack of dawn, all of the ALA Youth Media Awards are announced?

Are you suitably excited?

I had the privilege of attending ALA Midwinter a few years ago. Those awards were announced so early, I tell you, that the conference shuttle buses weren’t running yet and I had to beg and plead my dear boy/chauffeur to drive us all the way to the Waterfront, which is an annoying trip straight through downtown Boston. Before we bought a GPS. Also, there was some sort of nasty January Nor’easter going on – I saw a girl almost get swept off her feet from the wind and the rain, I swear it up and down.

Anyway, this is how much we all love the ALA Youth Media Awards. Our moment of cultural influence, of glam, a lot of EXCEEDINGLY hard-working committee members put in the work and we will risk our lives to show up at 4:30 a.m. to hear the announcements.

I can’t wait until next week to start talking about ’em, so here is the William C. Morris shortlist for you – the top five YA books written by debut authors in 2012. In a few days, one will be the winner! I have read zero, so I have no opinion. I should really consider actually reading award nominees – I just referred to last year’s Morris Award and since that announcement, I’ve read one! One!! For shame. Anyway, more of these posts to come, because even if I never read any award books, I still love ’em.


Wonder Show by Hannah Barnaby

A period piece about runaway teenagers and traveling circus freak shows. I was not at all inclined to read this book, but after reading a few summaries enough to write that pitiful last sentence, I am kind of intrigued. Also, a 20-something  guy who had no business being in a children’s bookstore bought this book when I was working, once, claiming he had no idea what YA was and didn’t usually buy books like this, and although it was a bit ridiculous, it was cute. I hope he reads lots of YA now. Probably not, but maybe this book changed his entire life and I should read it and see!

 

Love and Other Perishable Items by Laura Buzo

This is one of my five romances, but it is still “on order,” meaning I may have months ahead of me. This is an Australian import, I believe, about an independent 15-year-old young lady and her maybe-not-so-impossible crush on her older male coworker. Can we please give a cheer for contemporary humor/romance appear on awards lists? Yay! Rah!

 

Seraphina by Rachel Hartman

Dragons. Princes and Princesses. Characters named Glisselda, places named Goredd. Not my cup of tea. However, I have been playing a lot of Skyrim; perhaps enough that dragons seem cool. Perhaps. Oh, and everyone I know who read it has loved it. So maybe I should stop being such a fantasy stick in the mud.

 

After the Snow by S.D. Crockett

I am still feeling ambivalent toward dystopias and haven’t read any new ones since Divergent a year ago. However, The Boy is currently re-reading Life As We Knew it and telling me about his reading every few days, reminding me of how freaky it would be to have no sun or no power, how we need to store more food, how we should get a place with a wood stove, etc. Anyway, After the Snow sounds like a dystopia with more of a survivalist bent, like Life As We Knew It, which I appreciate.

The Miseducation of Cameron Post by Emily M. Danforth

Put this one in the category of “Books I keep checking out/renewing but never actually reading because other books get in the way.” Yeah, I know. Sad story. Protagonist Cameron Post loses her parents and discovers her sexuality almost at the same time, and her life changes dramatically while also going through related emotional traumas. Well, I guess I’ll put it on hold AGAIN… try harder this time around!

~

If I had to make a prediction of which book will win, without having read any of the five, my instinct says…. Wonder Show. I don’t know why, that’s just my gut. And the guy I sold it to in June of 2012. That’s all I’m going on. We will find out in just a few short days!! Happy Awards Season!!

 

24 Jan 2013

Tiny Beautiful Things by Cheryl Strayed

If you are a human, you should probably read this book.

Once upon a time, some writer-types started a website called The Rumpus. Steve Almond wrote the advice column, Dear Sugar, but handed over the duties to some new blood. That new blood was Cheryl Strayed – you might remember the name, maybe Oprah introduced you last year – and she wrote an advice column like none you’ve ever read before. She wrote the advice column that all other advice columns wish they were, and in turn, her readers came to Sugar with the kinds of problems that are so tricky, so painful, so innately human. How to move on from the death of a loved one, how to decide to stay with your spouse, whether or not to cut of a destructive parent or sibling, how to survive this human condition. Problems we all have but assume there are no answers for, especially answers to be found in an online advice column.

But there are answers to these questions, as most of you probably know, found in music, film, poetry, religion, literature. Strayed’s Sugar takes the last option, weaving advice throughout personal stories with carefully chosen words, either tender or firm, but always artful, never patronizing, and the result is something truly special. It’s a manual on how to survive this human existence, one poor soul’s troubles at at time.

I want to buy a copy for everyone I love who has ever suffered, and bookmark special chapters for them. Everyone. Man, woman, parent, sibling, friend, acquaintance, coworker… Heck, I would like to buy myself a copy and bookmark special chapters for Future Jessica, in case she needs them.

I hope you don’t read this as an oversell – this is not a flashy book, a stay-up-all-night, change your life kind of book. If you are a person who finds life mostly enjoyable, you might not care for it. For the rest of us: required reading for treating the human condition.

23 Jan 2013

paper journal

This year I am challenging myself to keep a paper diary that is not just a collection of frustrations, complaints, and private anxiety.

As a person who usually only writes in a journal in times of great frustration, complaint, and private anxiety, this is quite a challenge. Especially because I am not necessarily in the interest of denying my own fears and anxieties and troubles – I just think that sometimes, journalling about these topics is just another way to get myself worked up, to ramp up my negative emotions.

Also, if my ancestors find these journals, they would read like the rantings of a mad woman, and although I am full of fear and anxiety and troubles, I am not mad.

I am trying to learn a new way, mostly by showing up and writing a few things every day. I don’t feel a need to give a chunk of my day to “the morning page” right now, so a sentence, a paragraph, a few lines – it’s all good. Basically, I would like this paper journal to be a place where I can stay in touch with my inner voice, but the compassionate, reasonable part of my inner voice. Surely that side of me has something to say, too.

I try not to think about writing neatly. My fears and anxieties definitely speak in tiny, uniform letters written in just-the-right-pen.

So far, I end up writing about my day’s comings and goings, my thoughts about the future, books I am reading, resolutions I’d like to make, inspiring bits of text that I’ve collected, thoughts about stories, and yes, one time an argument that I had with that same dear boy I was going on about yesterday.

It’s been an interesting exercise, to do something that you’ve done your whole life but now do it differently.

Also to note, I probably wouldn’t be doing this if I hadn’t found the perfect notebook: a 8×12 cloth-bound Clairefontaine – casual enough for comfort but sturdy enough to differentiate it from your many other notebooks, lovely large pages that are thick and buttery-smooth, and cheaper than a Moleskine. I got mine at Trident.

 

22 Jan 2013

Love Letter 2013

Love,

Nine years ago, you were eighteen-years-old and I was eighteen-years-old and we were two eighteen-year-olds doing what eighteen-year-olds do: getting into trouble, trying to pass our classes, and staying up until ungodly hours of the morning on AOL instant messenger.

When we met, I was having a wild ride of a first semester. The summer before school was a bit cruel to me, especially the part where my boyfriend of two years and I broke up. I was a bit wounded and a bit cautious, but also single for the first time in two years. And they were an important two years, sixteen to eighteen, years when I finally shed some of that young teen awkwardness, learned how to manage my hair, and some of the boys finally hit six feet. The world looked different on the other side of that relationship, and between August and December, I kissed more boys than I’d ever kissed in my life.

But I didn’t pick anyone. I dated a handful of boys who wanted very badly to be picked, and although I gave them some time and attention, I wouldn’t pick them. I tried not to string anyone along, but some of these boys got upset; I was so generally awesome (ha) and down for kissing, so why wouldn’t I just be their girlfriend already?

Most guys assumed I was still damaged from my big break-up, or just not interested in settling down. One, in particular, didn’t want to take no for an answer. He was upset, felt strung along, despite everything I’d tried to do to keep it casual. You want a boyfriend? he asked, and I said I did. Then why not me? he asked, and I didn’t have an answer. He made me cry over it, but apologized a few days later. I figured it out he said, and I asked him to enlighten me. You don’t want *a* boyfriend, you want THE Boyfriend.
This was an epiphany to him, a simple truth to me. At the time I couldn’t pinpoint the particular qualities I was looking for in a mate, but I knew it when I felt it: I could tell the difference between *a* boyfriend and THE boyfriend. And unlike many of my closest friends, I had startlingly little tolerance for maintaining relationships with people who I didn’t admire, or where the power felt off-balance. It was right or it was wrong. If you weren’t THE boyfriend, then you would know it.
Three weeks later I met you. The Boyfriend. And nine years later, we are in premarital counseling.
Getting married is a strange prospect for two people who have been so close for so long, as you well know. I tried to explain this to you last night over dinner, but I feel like the good food and great wine was probably clouding my ideas, but when you’ve been dating for as long as we have, marriage feels like the least important thing. Your friends and family have been encouraging you to tie the knot for years. You’ve already survived college, a long distance relationship, a cross-country move, and three years of cohabitation and seem to still like each other. One of the first times I spoke to a grad school friend of mine she asked how long we’d been dating, and when I told her almost six years, her jaw dropped a little and she said, “That’s a *marriage*!”

Four years ago, one of your family members said to me “I’m just going to call you his fiancee, okay? We’re de facto married. Getting actual-married? Not a big deal.

But then we sit in premarital counseling together, talking to a Pastor we don’t know particularly well about why we want to get married in a church, how we split up duties, what we do when we argue, and it suddenly seems important. Mind-blowingly, life-changingly important. The person you tether yourself to for life. I’ve been a reluctant wedding planner because I’ve been under a lot of stress in the past year, but also because every small decision gives me heart palpitations. This is the ACTUAL dress I will ACTUALLY wear at my ACTUAL wedding. The ACTUAL invitations I will send to ACTUAL people who will come to my ACTUAL wedding. It is sudden, and intense, and real.

I’ve been thinking about marrying you for nine years, but now that I am marrying you, it seems like the biggest decision I have ever made.

Luckily, it was also the easiest. Nine years ago I met you. I kissed you. I invited you into my life in a way that I didn’t for those other boys because you weren’t *a* boyfriend, you were THE Boyfriend. The decision made itself, and maybe I’ve been lucky in this way, but I’ve never regretted it for a second. You have grown and changed in nine years, but you have always been the person I fell in love with, the person worth blowing my mind, changing my life over.

Three weeks after we met, I wrote this about you:

“Right now, I’ve found an interest. I don’t know what we have, but that’s what I like about it.”

Nine years later, I know what we have – something big and life-changing and the most important and the least important thing. A de facto marriage, an actual marriage. I still like it. I still like you. Thanks for enjoying this wild ride of a year, of a life, by my side.

Happy nine years.

Yours,

Jessica