Month: March 2012

life maintenance
10 Mar 2012

27

I didn’t want to do anything for my birthday this year. Last year, I did lots of fancy things, had bunches of people over at my apartment, and stayed out way past my bedtime. Fun, but somewhat exhausting. I’m feeling too old for that shit.

Luckily, one of my friends chose to celebrate her later-this-week birthday with a party of her own last night, so I got to socialize on someone else’s social-planning dime. Today, I got to chill. Go out for brunch. Do my grocery shopping. Clean my apartment. Nap on the couch with my boy and my kitty. Work on my paper that is due in 2 days. Carbs for dinner. Adorably tiny cake.

That’s about all I want.

twenty six | twenty five | twenty four

book awards
07 Mar 2012

Alex Awards, 2012

The Alex Awards are a list of books, written and published for adults, that the awards committee deems to have high teen appeal.

I should pay more attention to this list than I do because 90% of the adult books I have read probably fall into this category. And the more I look at this list, the more I want to add them all immediately to my hold list and devour them.

Salvage the Bones by Jesmyn Ward

This book is about a poor family in Mississippi before Hurricane Katrina, a pregnant teenager, and perhaps some dead puppies.

WHAT A FUN UPLIFTING READ!

But it did win the National Book Award, so props! I still want to read it. Dark & twisty Jessica gets sick of happy endings sometimes.

 

Ready Player One by Ernest Cline

A few weeks ago, I was working on a library class project called Talk to Teens. Part of the process was presenting different teens with the same stack of 10 books to peruse and then take down their opinions and comments. Out of the 10 books I selected – which included all sorts of books, YA, adult, graphic novels, etc – Ready Player One was hands-down the most popular title!

I, however, am not so convinced. The plot summary makes it sound like this premise of the book is The Future, where Life is Actually Like Living in a Video Game.

Sounds cool, but actually I have nightmares/dreams all the time that I am living in a video game, so I am officially scared of this book.

 

The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern

Love the cover.

Not so sure I love circus books.

However, I put this on hold, impulsively, in December. I am like, 144 on a list for 44, so we’ll see how that goes…

The Scrapbook of Frankie Pratt by Caroline Preston

Oh, one I actually read! This book is heavy and shiny and lovely. I have a bit of a thing for books/movies about girls at college pre-1960s, so I enjoyed flipping through the pages as Frankie tried to find her way as a student and a career-girl and an individual. I read it in an afternoon – this Scrapbook As Book thing has really taken off! I have spotted a few other books like these on the publishing horizon…

 

In Zanesville by JoAnn Beard

From the Amazon book description: “She is used to flying under the radar-a sidekick, a third wheel, a marching band dropout, a disastrous babysitter, the kind of girl whose Eureka moment is the discovery that “fudge” can’t be said with an English accent.”

That is exactly the kind of character I would like to read about. Also, that kind of describes 14-year-old me. Or at least 12-year-old me.

 

The New Kids by Brooke Hauser

This book is nonfiction, about immigrant teenagers at International High School in Brooklyn, New York. Hauser follows five teenagers who have just arrived from different countries as they navigate high school and American culture at large. This book reminds me of some of the journalistic “Let’s Follow Teens Around In Their Natural Habitat” nonfiction that I enjoyed so much as a teen. I’m such a voyeur. I think I would like this book, too.

 

The Lover’s Dictionary by David Levithan

David Levithan is one of my favorite authors. Last year, my best friend from high school snuck her way into my Amazon wishlist and bought me Mad Men Season 1 and this book. And even though, yeah, it was my wishlist in the first place, I was SUPER GEEKED!

However, I haven’t yet finished this book!!!! I am terrible. But at least I own it. I should get some street cred. I do really like following The Lover’s Dictionary on Twitter – the little dictionary-entry style quotes are poignant even without the context of the rest of the novel.

 

Big Girl Small by Rachel DeWoskin

This book didn’t necessarily catch my eye – the plot is about a girl who gets her school involved in some kind of scandal. I saw the narrator described as “half Holden Caulfield, half Lee Fiora, Prep’s ironic heroine.” I am not sure how I feel about that. To me, that combination is Kind of Crazy/Whiny/Hormonal + Quiet/Smart/Low Self-Esteem. They are both pretty self destructive. I feel like this would make for a strange read.

 

Robopocalypse by Daniel W. Wilson

I think I am also afraid of reading this book. Artificial intelligence takes over everyday technology? I think I watched too much Twilight Zone as a child – I remember this episode, where a guy’s car tries to run him over, an electric razor chases him around… gives me the heebie-jeebies.

 

The Talk Funny Girl by Roland Merullo

A girl is raised by a family in such isolation that they have their own dialect (like).

A girl ventures outside of her family home and gradually discovers what is out there, waiting for her (like).

Weird story about rural New England (like).

Random abductions of teen girls going on in the background (dislike).

Three likes and a dislike… that’s a pretty good score.

 

 

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life maintenance
05 Mar 2012

2012: week nine

February 26 – March 3

 Movie-themed food and wine at a friend’s apartment for the Oscars.

Lunch with friends on Friday afternoon, out to a bar on Friday night.

Impromptu Sam Adams tour on Saturday afternoon, friends over for wine and Pictionary on Saturday.

Fries and Original Sin on Sunday night.

A for social interaction this week, Jessica!

This somewhat makes up for the rest of your report card:

Schoolwork B-

Exercise C-

Diet C

Housekeeping D

Health and Wellness C-

Not Going Broke D+

Not Cutting Yourself on Kitchen Things and Bleeding Profusely D

You did however earn an A+ in kitty cuddling! Congrats!

(Contrary to what you might assume, this is a rather difficult subject)

Reading:

Listening to:

Watching:

links
02 Mar 2012

some links for march

These are the Ways You Love Yourself

“forgive yourself for not handling it all better, for feeling like you let others down. the path is not done, the road is not finished, why are you trying so hard to rush the whole thing? celebrate the fact that your story has some major departures.”

I love Meg’s posts. I bookmarked this weeks ago, but after writing yesterday’s post, it seems relevant yet again.

 

13 Practical Ways to Face Your Fear, Take Control, and Conquer Anxiety and Phobia

Just remember, fear is natural. It’s normal. It’s there to protect you. It’s your friend. Don’t beat yourself up for being afraid, try instead to be kind and thankful for it. Face it. And love it.

Respect it. Play with it. Make yourself comfortable with it.

Speaking of self-care, I thought this article from The Freedom Experiment about conquering legit phobias offered a lot of small, practical tactics for just calming yourself down when you’re feeling a bit too keyed up. “Breath in squares” feels much more tangible to me than “just breath.” Worth a read if you are a high-anxiety type.

 

15 Fights to Have Before You Get Engaged

Honey, I was watching this Oprah show about a beautiful family with forty foster children…

I found this exceedingly old article the other night and it was probably the funniest piece of relationship advice I’ve read. I like reading about how to effectively navigate major romantic relationships, but every article is the same, you know? This one hits all the obvious points, but the humor hits the points home a bit harder.

 

25 Things I Want To Say to So-Called “Aspiring Writers”

Agents, editors, reviewers, readers, trolls on the Internet, they’re going to say things you don’t want to hear. A thick skin isn’t enough. You need a leathery carapace. A chitinous exoskeleton. Writing is a hard-knock career where you invite a bevy of slings and arrows into your face and heart. It is what it is.

Repeat what I said above, but replace “relationships” with “writing.” I’m trying to keep this particular quote in mind this week because I am feeling too much like a delicate flower.

 

 

When We Fail To Do Our Part

These hard-working committees can miss something simply because of how overwhelming their tasks are. They can miss something because they miss something. Human error happens. But anyone who reads can pitch in and do their part, too, so books like Imaginary Girls don’t unfairly slip between the cracks.

Even though the 2011 book award frenzy is dying down, the process for handing out Newberys and National Book Awards and such is really going on all year. Kelly’s article on Stacked talks about YALSA awards and a little known way that everyday readers can “lobby” for a favorite YA underdog.

 

Advocating for Contemporary YA Lit

Contemporary ya lit doesn’t get the marketing or publicity bucks behind it that so many other genres do. Pay attention to the advertisements you see around for books — do many of them look familiar? Do they target the same few books over and over?

Another Stacked article! This one is a bit old, but I am taking this YA Lit class that has me thinking all about how to keep up with what’s new in YA without getting buried/discouraged – believe you me, there are SO MANY BOOKS! This article, though, presents the task as more of a professional responsibility than the simple act of “keeping up with those kiddies” – it’s important to support quality lit so that publishers will continue to support quality lit, rather than publishing Twilight knock-off after Twilight knock-off.

 

Sendak on Colbert

I’m sure everyone and their 90-year-old grandmother have already seen these videos, but they are SO hilarious, SO amazing, that I’m just going make extra-double-sure that EVERYONE possible has seen it.

Did you see it?

Good. Aren’t you glad?

 

life maintenance
01 Mar 2012

what it feels like for an introvert

It is March, today. It is March and this semester that is my last is almost halfway over. It is March and this year, THIS CRAZY YEAR!, is two months in.

I am no closer to My Next Big Step than I was last time I talked here about jobs. I have applied for a few positions since then, but you know how apply for jobs goes. You apply, you wait, you wait, they give it to someone else, they run out of money to pay someone to do that job, or they finally call you. One of those things will happen.

I really take stock in my Myers- Briggs type. I’ve taken the test three or four times since I was 21 or so – sometimes for school, sometimes for fun – and no matter what test I take, no matter how much time has passed, I remain an overwhelming INFJ. Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, Judging.

Trying to build a meaningful career is difficult for me. I’m introverted: meeting new people and networking is tremendously draining. I typically don’t want to do it. I’m a feeler not a thinker, which means that it’s easy for me to feel my own failures and potential missteps with acuity, even though my rational brain is telling me that they don’t matter in the long run. When my feelings get me down, my intuition shuts down – every choice seems like a bad choice, every option has a long string of potentially negative implications. And laying over all this nonsense is a layer of persistent judgment: my gut wants routine and predictability, my heart wants a clear path to my future, my bones want to make plans and stick to them. I’m not getting any of that right now. It freaks me out.

That seems pretty doomsday-ish, but it’s not. I actually like being an INFJ; I am happy and proud of the way I seem to be wired. It doesn’t feel like I’m on a downward spiral, that I’m fated to be unsuccessful, that I should throw in the towel.

But it does feel like that sometimes.

Overall, the last few months have been a roller coaster. Ups and downs. Some days, I have this optimism that surprises me. There are any number of amazing directions my life could go. I have faith in my abilities and my drive; I might not know WHERE I will end up, but because I am Me, wherever it is will be awesome because I won’t settle for anything less. I can live like this for a day, a week.

Then I get a busy day or a bit of criticism or a bad headache or a surge of some hormones or something. Suddenly I’m exhausted with everything my life is currently demanding me. I want to curl up into a cocoon. I want to go home to my parents’ house. I want to stay indoors for the rest of my life, only putting myself “out there” when I’m absolutely certain that it will not result in pain.

I can look back at my life and see that I’ve always been like this. The tendency to retreat is always there. It will always be there. Being under stress, experiencing uncertainty, being ballsy will always be uncomfortable. More uncomfortable, perhaps, than it is for other people.

But what I can do now is acknowledge my weaknesses and be strategic. Sometimes, I can work around situations that I know will send me hiding in my bed. Self care is big. Positive self talk – or even just Non-Doomsday- “The World Is Not Going to End” self talk – is huge.

And being able to see the “downs” for what they are is the most important piece. You feel like this today. You might feel like this tomorrow, too. But you won’t feel like this in a week, or a month, or a year. For now, take a breather, take a night off, be nice to yourself and don’t feel guilty about it.

This has nothing to do with your lack of character, your poor fate, your lack of talent or skills.

There will be ups.

Just not today.

People ask me what my plans are, where I’m going, what jobs I’m applying for or looking at. Every day, my answers feel different.

But that’s just the way I am, the way my life is right now, and I couldn’t be any other way than up-d0wn-up-down-up.

 

 

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