24 May 2012

Second Chance Summer by Morgan Matson

Can a book fall short of your expectations but also completely satisfy? I think I have a tendency to love or loathe books (and I don’t read a lot of books I loathe, so mostly, I collect books I love), but I think there is a lot more gray than I’d often like to admit.

I loved Morgan Matson’s first book, Amy & Roger’s Epic Detour, so her second book, Second Chance Summer, has been on my radar for months. When a shiny hardback crossed my path, I practically salivated.

I did enjoy this story – a summer in the life of a girl returning to her lake house with her family after a long hiatus. She left behind some messy romance and friendship situations, and of course they all are waiting for her when she returns – everyone has grown up a bit but nobody has forgotten Taylor’s crimes. Her family is a fun bunch of characters; moody but shy ballerina sister, nerdy fact-spouting brother, a stray dog that is adopted into the fold reluctantly. A romance.

Definitely a book for summer, atmospheric for sure, but not quite atmospheric enough to hide some overexplaining, some undeveloped character traits, some shaky plot bits. I felt like Taylor was trying too hard to be elusive and troubled, creating drama for herself where it would be easier just not to stress. All of her misdeeds occurred at age twelve – at fifteen, all the affected parties acted as if they had been stewing over terrible betrayals for the entire three years of Taylor’s absence. And Taylor’s love interest – literally, the boy next door – has an annoying habit of magically appearing – poof! – every other paragraph or so, popping out from behind counters, lurking in the woods with benign intent… Matson plays off Henry’s Houdini-act as a metaphor at some point along the way, but it was just WAY too convenient to escape my notice.

But despite any surface misgivings, I found this book to slowly move me. Emotionally penetrating. As I read, I found myself shutting the book and putting it aside, reading anything else instead – not because I couldn’t bear to see Henry pull up to the dock with his rowboat at yet another well-timed interval – but because I knew this book was going to hit me hard, at any second. The reason Taylor and her family have returned to the lake house is because her father has been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. He has three months to live, and he wants to spend it with his family at his favorite place in the world.

I wept. I wept on the bus, without apology. When it was my stop, I folded a page, walked to my apartment and picked up where I left off, and read on, while continually crying.

Maybe I’m letting my emotions sway my opinion here, but as the tragedy unrolled, I began to forgive the sloppy bits. Wouldn’t I be sloppy and underdeveloped and quick to see meaning where there is none if I were Taylor? If I was Taylor’s mother? If I were dying? Maybe the tragedy highlights Matson’s strengths here – her characters are not flawless, not aware of their motives. They are grieving ahead of time, and Matson captures the pain, the earnestness, the guilt, and, most importantly, the care and love they have for each other.

What I wanted was something flawless. What I got was something pretty but with messy edges, something that was hard to read, and tears on the bus.

22 May 2012

notes from the job hunt, vol 1

I. The Numbers

I have been applying for jobs for nearly three months now. In that time, I have applied for thirty positions.

Out of thirty, I have received…

  • One Skype interview
  • One phone interview
  • One follow-up phone call
  • One job offer (my new part-time job)
  • Four rejections

The remaining 23 jobs are, supposedly, still on the table – including the two aforementioned phone calls.

II. What I am Looking For

I am still pursuing positions that will move me on my desired career trajectory; youth/teen librarian positions at major public libraries or in major urban areas. I am also applying for non-librarian positions here and there – literacy non-profits, literary publications, etc.

However, the closer September 1 draws, the more pragmatic the job hunt becomes. The reality of staying in New England – within driving distance of Mr. Teacher Fiance’s job – seems more likely. Recently, I have honed in on the Western Mass/Northern Connecticut region, and also started applying for academic advising positions in the Boston area.

III. What I’ve Learned

If anyone says “Oh, at least you got the experience!” after I get a job rejection post-interview, I want to cut them. Losing out on a job you really want feels exactly like a break up – the barrage of internal self-loathing, the random tears, the loss of hope for the future. But it passes more quickly… maybe break ups would go smoother if you knew you had to find a new man before September 1 so you wouldn’t be homeless? Anywayy… the objective “experience” of job interviews is probably valuable. However, it’s intangible – it’s not like you can put “I had 35 GREAT job interviews!” on your resume.

What is valuable, to me, is what I learn from all aspects of the application process. Assessing what jobs I’m drawn to and figuring out how better to select future positions. Looking at which resumes and cover letters are the ones that get a follow-up… and then, during that follow-up, what questions do the reviewers have – aka, what did you FORGET to put in there? This is all comforting, helpful, and make me feel like I’m moving forward at least.

IV. What I’m Doing Now

  • Re-discovering my personality

I had an interview awhile ago for a job I really would have liked. I wasn’t really confident throughout the interview because I’d prepared for something entirely different than what I encountered. I dreamed up impressive answers to generic but intense interview questions, I studied the library in question intensely, I thought big thoughts about librarianship. And I’m glad I did all this because now I have an entirely different view of where I want to go in the field and what kind of jobs can get me there… but no. These questions were hard. These questions were abstract. These questions were “Tell me about a moment when you felt XXX about yourself.”

I was interviewing after a full day’s work during a particularly hectic week. A hectic 50 hour week. It occurred to me, at this inopportune moment, that I had spent the semester focused so intently on resume-building and job hunting and working my ass off, I was too tired to be an individual. My hobbies? Listening to podcasts on the bus. My favorite part of the day? Sleeping like the dead.

  • Adjusting my job hunting strategy to a new schedule

I have more free time now to do such things as, oh, revive my personality. Yay! I also have less time where I am at jobs that chain me to a computer for extended periods of time. Oh, cooking and cleaning and showering and playing Skyrim is nice and all, but I can already feel myself checking out a bit… I need to figure out a way to stay motivated while working ONLY 30-40 hours/week.

Ahem.

 

I will probably update this later… UNLESS I just get a job in the next few weeks and my job hunt is exceedingly easy. But who am I kidding? I will surely think of something else to say before then, either way. I will probably have some kind of existential crisis and then 24 hours later get a job. That is just how I roll.

21 May 2012

2012: week twenty

May 13 – May 19

Aside from being completely ridiculous, busy, and full of joy/nostalgia/desserts, last week was a bit of a symbolic break.

2012 Phase 1:

Work 40-50 hours/week while taking class

2012 Phase 2

Work 20-30? hours/week while scrambling to find health insurance, an apartment, and solvency before September 1.

 

Last week was the in between. Goodbye to the old, hello to the new. Woke up this morning feeling well-rested, feeling happy to have a cup of iced coffee, feeling happy that it is still May.

I think I love May in Boston The long weekend was gorgeous weather. Tank top and cropped pants without much sweating weather. The sun gets up early, birds chirp, your day just starts out better.

So goodbye, Phase 1. Hello, Phase 2; you might not be the most fun, but at least I’m not working myself to an oblivion and it’s May in Boston.

 

Reading:

Watching:

  • Still watching ridiculous LOST

 

20 May 2012

master

My family is the bomb. My sister flew in on Wednesday to see where/how I live – her first solo flight, first trip to Boston. My aunt and cousin came in on Wednesday as well, to sight-see and eat every strange Boston-based-concoction known to man. On Thursday, my mother and father and other two sisters, my grandmother and grandfather, all arrived in the city, so that on Friday, the bunch of them could watch me spend 15 seconds walking across the stage at the Bank of America pavilion.

Festivities included a trip to the bar, a social brunch, observing a television show filming outside Mr. Bartley’s Burger Cottage while we ate, a quick tour of Harvard, a swan boat ride in the Public Garden, a ghosts and graveyards tour, a walk around the Freedom Trail, Pinkberry, Mike’s Pastry, and a fancy dinner with wine and a tray full of desserts.

All to celebrate the fact that I have busted balls for the past three years working and taking class, gone into debt, teetered on the edge of financial insolvency more than once, and generally have lived like an insane, insane person.

My family traveled from across the country, walked & walked & walked until their blisters got blisters, and skipped out on work and school, just to celebrate my insanity.

Love. I miss them so. All I could think about this whole crazy trip was “when can I get back to Michigan?”

16 May 2012

graduate

Taking a few days off from blogging so I can graduate.

Finding a suitable reservation for 12 people on a Friday night during graduation season in a major metropolis is proving stressful. I need a little time to my self.

Here’s hoping that all my graduation pictures look like the previous pic and not like this one:

15 May 2012

Someone Like You by Sarah Dessen

Some time ago, I resolved to re-read the oeuvre of Sarah Dessen in order of publication.

My reading notions proved – as they usually do – a bit ambitious. I did not read any older Dessen titles that year, and in 2011 I only managed two out of ten.

The two I did read –  That Summer and Keeping the Moon – came at a time in the final weeks of August. I had just finished a class that crammed 20 or so books into thirty days, and I marathoned  the last three Harry Potter books before seeing the final movie. I didn’t need a rest – I was on a roll. I was anxious to dive back into another world before the next semester arrived and force-fed me science fiction and fantasy.

It was surprising how well these older Dessen titles sucked me in. I couldn’t put them down, read them while walking, felt sad to trade them for the Chronicles of Prydain as the semester approached. The stories were familiar, since I have re-read since first discovering Dessen in high school, but I read with a mix of new appreciation and nostalgia. What happened on the page didn’t match up with my memory… I read different characters differently, took interest in sub-plots I missed, saw the evolution of Dessen’s distinct settings and characters. And there was a lot I just plain didn’t remember properly. Heck, I even violated the fundamental premise of my reading task by mis-remembering the publication order.

Two semesters later, I finally picked up the one I forgot:  Someone Like You. I remembered that when I was in high school, this book was the popular one, the title that drew many new readers to the Dessen fan club. I also remembered that it seemed so dramatic, so sad; a tragic death right at the start, followed  by teen pregnancy, fitful friendships, and lots of fights with parents. I liked it when I first read it, but never picked it up again while reading other Dessen titles three and four times over. I started to wonder why everyone liked it so much.

But Someone Like You was not the book I remembered. Maybe this says something about me and my experience with female friendships, but I kept waiting for Scarlett to take over. She was the prettier friend, the luckier friend, the one who got to fall in love. She was a pregnant teen, yes, but she was so pretty and so lucky that this transgression was somehow looked over, somehow even worked to her advantage, leaving Halley even further from the spotlight. Halley’s affair with bad boy Macon was a form of self-destructive rebellion, something to be kept secret, away from judging eyes.

I remembered an entirely different book than exists. This time around, Scarlett was strong but Halley was stronger. Scarlett never asked more than Halley wanted to give. Halley wanted a boyfriend – love, sex, excitement – not validation, but either way, the trajectory of her relationship with Macon was heart-breakingly real to me; how every single one of my high school relationships ended.

Reading Someone Like You reminded me that in spite of the unique, visceral pleasure that is Reading a Sarah Dessen Novel, there is something underneath her stories that is a little raw. Bits of truths that make me think about myself and my teenage self and my life a bit differently.

Hiding behind a pretty cover, masked by a cute romance, there is something painful and true in these words, and now that I have some time on my hands, I can’t wait to move through the series again and see how I’ve changed.

14 May 2012

2012: week nineteen

May 6 – May 12

I am having trouble acknowledging that my regular-grad-school-life is coming to a close.

Maybe because my schedule has me a bit distracted from the rhythm of academic life. More than once this has bitten me in the butt at work, lately. “Oh, you need your course evaluation packet? In 10 minutes? Offff course….”

Maybe because my schedule has me a bit distracted from… oh… creative/independent thought.

Maybe because I am in deep, deep denial.

Or maybe because my schedule is not coming to a halt, but instead, slowly unraveling. Two more library shifts. Another month or two in the office. But this past week was my last crazy one, Friday was my last day as a writing tutor, and I said goodbye to some of my favorite crazy-undergraduates. There were one, two, three little end of the year parties. Cupcakes. Champagne. One last trip to the Squealing Pig, grad students squished into a too-small booth, ordering one more round.

Next week, we graduate. It is over, it is over.

 

Reading:

Watching:

  • LOST Having watched through to this point a few times, I have a single thought about Season Three: jumped the shark.

 

13 May 2012

saribeth

Dear Mommy,

I miss you.

I have been thinking about you lately, because I am curious to know what your Myers-Briggs personality type is.

If you don’t know, you can take the test here. If you want to. I understand you are very busy being awesome. Case in point, I was randomly surfing the internet tonight and found this article about Storyfest, and was like “Oh, snap, that’s my mom.”

I am excited I will see you in a few days!!!

Happy Mother’s Day!

Love,

Your First and Best Daughter

11 May 2012

Jersey Angel by Beth Ann Bauman

After hearing about Beth Anne Bauman’s Jersey Angel described as unusually sexy, maybe even TOO salacious for YA? I’m interested. I like to read controversial books, and even though the controversy surrounding the relative “sexiness” seems to have been limited to a few weeks of pre-pub buzz that has long since fizzled out, a quick look at the online reviews for this title on Goodreads or online reveals some VERY upset readers. But they aren’t upset in the way I expected, which isn’t suprising, since I did not find Jersey Angel to be the book I expected either.

Angel is sixteen, a year-round beach dweller. Her mother makes a living renting her two beach houses to tourists, Angel works at her dad’s gas station for pocket change, but that’s not the best part of Angel’s life. Angel lives for the summer, for kicking back with her best friend Inggy, for late night parties on the sand and boat rides and boys. Of course, boys. This is a slice-of-Angel’s-life, and her life, like the plot, is unfocused. Her relationships – friendships or family, sexual or not – drive the story.  Angel is relaxed – no worries about grades, college, life choices, the other things that female YA protagonists are usually stressing over – and tension emerges when the reader starts to wonder if her laid-back attitude might end up coming back around to punish her.

The sex? It is there, but in small doses and with most of the action happening off stage; with all the buzz, I expected a lot more to blush about. The sex that makes it to the page is detailed in a romantic manner, full of moody details of the sand, the water, etc, but Bauman’s descriptions are not starry-eyed. I think in YA, the reader expects sex to be the result of a lot of build up between two particular characters, maybe a first-time incident for one or both parties, and then – Hollywood style – the romance of their relationship and the setting and their LOVE just sweeps away any need for details. This is not the case for Angel. The descriptions here speak of a character who knows what she is doing with her sexuality, knows what she wants with a boy, and likes sex for those reasons, not because it has some larger significance, plot or otherwise. I think this makes readers uncomfortable. Most of the bad reviews written about this novel seem to attend to this discomfort, but strangely, without naming it directly. Instead, reviewers call Angel “superficial,” and “boring,” and most are deeply uncomfortable not with Angel’s sexuality, but that she makes a bad choice in partners and doesn’t get punished. But I don’t think these reviewers just want Angel to be punished for an indiscretion – they want Angel to be punished for not adhering to the code of acceptable YA sexuality. The reactions here feel like an updated version of the 1970s panic over Judy Blume’s Forever…

So unsettling, yes. A book that every reader would feel comfortable handing off to their 12-year-old child? Perhaps not. But I do think Angel’s perspective is unique, the writing evocative, and the mood beachy and sultry and all other things I like about summer.

And contrary to some angry reviewers, I don’t think this book bears much resemblance to that other piece of New Jersey-themed Televised Fiction. However, since I have honestly (Honestly) never seen an episode in my life, I am really just speculating. I think there was a little laundry, but no gym and no tanning, and no mention of hair gel, bleeped out swear words, or anything else that the media has led me to associate with the Jersey Shore.

10 May 2012

what will i learn next?

So, this is my last week of grad school.

correction:

SO, THIS IS MY LAST WEEK OF GRAD SCHOOL YOU GUYS OMGASDFASDFWEreralkejr;lwk232

I have been in school since August of 2009. I have not had more than a week’s break from classes in almost three years. I’ve been working anywhere between 1 and 27 jobs. My life is school and school is my life. It now appears that I am being kicked out of my institution, and I must seek greener pastures.

Ideally, those greener pastures would include A Full Time Job, but more on that nonsense later.

And even if I was to suddenly find myself with a smashing, 40 hr/week career job, I’m afraid that I am a busy body. Taking class and working eleven-million jobs has exacerbated the problem. I can barely watch a movie or play a video game or sit quietly on the couch anymore. I need projects, I need to keep moving, I am probably bordering on manic but my Brain! Must! Keep! Moving! otherwise I start to panic.

Well, this post is getting weird. Onto the good stuff. In order to shut up my panic-brain, here are some things I would like to learn now that I have a little time on my hands.

Learn how to knit

I have been meaning to learn how to knit for years and years and years. My whole family does it. I am jealous of the things they can make. My roommate took two classes and could suddenly knit entire outfits, she was such a natural. I, on the other hand, knit this square, and that was it.

I would like to try again, but in truth, knitting might not be high on my priority list. You see, the reason I keep quitting is not because I am so busy or have questionable talent, but because I am too broke to buy yarn. While I will have more time in the near future, I will not have more money. Conundrum.

Learn how to speak Spanish

A) I have always wanted to learn another language. I took two years of Spanish in high school and two semesters of French in college. I can therefore speak not-much-of-anything, but I feel I could pick up a little of either language with a bit of practice. I’m no stranger to language-learnin’. Why not learn the language that, oh, thousands of my fellow American citizens speak? That would be useful, huh?

B) You would not believe how many jobs I am getting boxed out of because I do not speak Spanish. I am a little perturbed that my fancy grad school education has left me somewhat unemployable in this manner! Anyway, this skill could be marketable for me, as well.

Learn how to run a 10K

Okay, so you are wondering “hey, Jessica, whatever happened to running a 5K? Well I will tell you: I have been able to run 3 very slow miles (with reasonable/limited amounts of walking) since about March.

But right when I was getting comfortable running 2-3 miles 4 or 5 times a week, I got really-really-really-busy. I stopped having time for quite so many runs, and on the evenings I did have off, I collapsed in a puddle of exhaustion.

I am not really making much progress, mileage-wise.

Anyway, I’d like to get my momentum back, and I’m thinking about formally “training” for a longer run. I spotted a little training plan on the Marriage Confessions blog that looked completely…. reasonable. I think this will motivate me to use some of my new-found free time to get off my butt and run regularly again.

 

Learn how to meditate

Some people are really zen and chill and they never grind their teeth or accidentally hold their breath or sit with their shoulders up against their ears. Some people can shut off the talk-talk-talking in their brain for more than 1 minute. I think those people are happier than me and they can do all that because they have learned to meditate.

Maybe this is not exactly true, but I feel there is likely value in being able to sit in silence and be. That is not a skill I have cultivated. I think it could help my Physical-Manifestations-of-Stress problems, as well as well as make me a less anxious (aka less snippy, less weepy, more pleasant) human being.

This will be hard. The idea of scheduling a half hour to “sit” just blows my mind. Sitting? What is that? I’m either on the go, crashed on the couch, or asleep.

 

Learn how to get married

I went through a brief “Plan-your-wedding-before-you-are-engaged” stage. Years ago. When I had more time to day dream. And had no idea how much things like weddings cost. Anyway, I would like to get married sometime in 2013, so now is the time to learn… and learn fast!

This is probably a post for another day, but I basically want nothing to do with wedding-planning, so this could be painful. Can we skip right to the cake-tasting?