All posts in: life maintenance

goals
02 Jul 2012

2012: week twenty-six

June 24 – June 30

This week, I struggled a lot with this whole “self motivation” thing. My life no longer has a lot of those helpful supports that enable productivity – jobs where I sit in front of a computer, regularly scheduled work shifts, time by myself at home. But life is life, and now it’s time to work on discipline, habits, and other skills that keep me from feeling like a useless, underemployed lump.

On Friday, I went to a job interview in a beach town in Eastern Connecticut. Afterwards, we paid 5 dollars to park in someone’s front lawn and spent a few hours in the sun & sand on the Long Island sound.

First of all, I think I should start going to the beach after every interview. Packing a nice bag with snacks and sunscreen and a book counteracts some of that pre-interview dread.

Second of all, the above home is available for year-round rent in the area, for the same price as my current two bedroom apartment, and includes:

  • Three bedrooms
  • Large kitchen
  • Basement with washer & dryer hook up
  • Two car garage
  • Access to a private beach

I’ve been applying for a lot of jobs in the Boston metro area, but I think I might be doing it wrong…

Reading:

Watching:

  • LOST Season Four, you are ridiculous.
  • Watching This Emotional Life, a three-part PBS special on happiness. Very interesting and engaging – definitely recommend!

 

goals
07 Jun 2012

happy coffee-versary!

After a few weeks of feeling grumpy, tired, and finding myself stuffing my face with popcorn and junk every night with little regard to my actual hunger… SURPRISE! I can’t really fit into my jeans anymore.

I am poor and my jeans are cute and I know it is good for me anyway so as of this week I am back off sugar+carbs. The sweetest things I eat are Larabars (usually taken in halves) and squares of dark chocolate (usually taken with a little bowl of salted mixed nuts). I started eating bacon for breakfast again, thinking that the 5 dollar weekly purchase would pay itself off in motivation/morning satiety.

It’s really not so bad. A lot of people say “Oohhhhh but I couldn’t LIVE without bread/cupcakes/candy… you just must not love bread as much as I do.” But I do, friends. I love bread more than most other foods. I love it when it’s soft and warm, love it when it is toasty and covered in melted butter, love it white, rye, whole wheat, sourdough… but you know what? If I don’t buy bread, then I don’t think about it. I’m not trying to ban bread from my life forever – I’m just trying to not put it in my shopping cart and eat something else instead. It doesn’t feel like denial. It feels like normal life.

I’m glad that even though I’m not always on target, I was able to try out this lifestyle for myself and find out that it can feel normal. And as the weather has warmed up, I am reminded of the single habit that made this bigger change possible:

I learned how to drink coffee.

Just a year ago, I stopped drinking mochas, vanilla lattes, caramel macchiatos, frappuccinos, anything that qualifies as a Fancy Sugar Coffee Drink. I alternated plain lattes with little Starbucks Doubleshots for a spell, but once I tried an iced coffee for the first time – unsweetened, lots of ice, a bit of half-and-half – I didn’t really look back. I was able to continue my shameless addiction to caffeine while at the same time avoiding sugar – I wasn’t forced to detox from both at the same time, which I think would have been so miserable I would have given up the fight.

It’s the summer now, so I walk to work to save a little money – over the winter, a new coffee shop opened up right along my commute. I tried it for the first time last week, and I liked it. The coffee tasted different than my other choices (Starbucks, JP Licks, Java City at school, or cold-brew at home), it tasted good. I thought about how a year ago, I wouldn’t be able to tell the difference. How a year ago, I was reliant not only on sugar, but on a Starbucks that I could count on to make me a drink to my precise requirements. I was thinking about how happy it made me that I could always have a nice, cold iced coffee in my life – an indulgence I don’t think I’ll ever have to feel guilty about.

grad school
05 Jun 2012

new life, new notebook

You know what they always say:

when life hands you lemons, go out and buy a fancy notebook.

I haven’t kept a daily notebook like this in quite some time. Grad school has been a mix of self-created spreadsheets and printed schedules and elaborate systems with binders and note cards and color coded things.

Yes, there is still the Google calendar, which was necessary to balance three jobs, but there is a limit to what the GCal can do. It can tell you where to be and when to be there, but it can’t tell you what to do in the in betweens. It can’t keep you on track, longterm, when your days and weeks become less regimented and begin to blur together.

Enter: the daily Moleskine. One page per day for to-do lists, chores, schedules, dinner menus, books to read, notes, recipes, phone numbers. A place to write down what time you need to set your alarm or leave for the bus. A place to flip through the upcoming week and map out your free time. A place to practice your penmanship. To draw little pictures. To scheme. To scribble things out.

To sit down and think about what’s important in my week.

This is a luxury, maybe. Something I didn’t have time for while I was studying, something I didn’t find useful. But for now, I can, and I feel like I should.

A new notebook is good for my soul, I think. Without a pen on paper in my life, I feel like I might drift away.

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life maintenance
04 Jun 2012

2012: week twenty-two

May 27 – June 2

I spent most of last week in either a blind panic or other state of heightened anxiety. I made and recovered from a major scheduling error, rented a car for the first time, drove it for 4 hours (by myself) to places I have never been before, prepared for/performed for a job interview, and had at least two days where I ran on 5-ish hours of sleep.

There is nothing resembling equilibrium going on in my life right now, and I don’t think there will be any time soon. I don’t want to spend the rest of my summer feeling grumpy, but I’m not sure that any amount of concerted effort/planning/worrying/positive thinking will make much of a difference. This too shall pass, but for now, I’m in the muck of it.

For now, I’m going to focus on being well – sleep, hydration, no more sugar + grains, exercise, etc. Structure. Routines. Tidiness.  Peach cuddling and cooking dinner and phone chats and documentaries on Netflix.

Other assorted acts of hopefulness.

Reading:

Watching:

  • Switched at Birth – I am determined to finish Season One! I’ve been working on it for almost a year, which is just excessive.
  • On Wednesday, there was a lot of Gilmore Girls, season one. I can’t believe Dean dumped Rory like that! Scoundrel…

 

life maintenance
02 Jun 2012

level up

This radio(blog) silence brought to you by:

  • Exhaustion
  • Stress
  • Worry
  • Lack of will to read a single book ever
  • Allergies
  • Headaches

and

Skyrim.

My apologies. I will try to haul myself off the couch and pry my cramped little hands from the controller sometime soon…

grad school
22 May 2012

notes from the job hunt, vol 1

I. The Numbers

I have been applying for jobs for nearly three months now. In that time, I have applied for thirty positions.

Out of thirty, I have received…

  • One Skype interview
  • One phone interview
  • One follow-up phone call
  • One job offer (my new part-time job)
  • Four rejections

The remaining 23 jobs are, supposedly, still on the table – including the two aforementioned phone calls.

II. What I am Looking For

I am still pursuing positions that will move me on my desired career trajectory; youth/teen librarian positions at major public libraries or in major urban areas. I am also applying for non-librarian positions here and there – literacy non-profits, literary publications, etc.

However, the closer September 1 draws, the more pragmatic the job hunt becomes. The reality of staying in New England – within driving distance of Mr. Teacher Fiance’s job – seems more likely. Recently, I have honed in on the Western Mass/Northern Connecticut region, and also started applying for academic advising positions in the Boston area.

III. What I’ve Learned

If anyone says “Oh, at least you got the experience!” after I get a job rejection post-interview, I want to cut them. Losing out on a job you really want feels exactly like a break up – the barrage of internal self-loathing, the random tears, the loss of hope for the future. But it passes more quickly… maybe break ups would go smoother if you knew you had to find a new man before September 1 so you wouldn’t be homeless? Anywayy… the objective “experience” of job interviews is probably valuable. However, it’s intangible – it’s not like you can put “I had 35 GREAT job interviews!” on your resume.

What is valuable, to me, is what I learn from all aspects of the application process. Assessing what jobs I’m drawn to and figuring out how better to select future positions. Looking at which resumes and cover letters are the ones that get a follow-up… and then, during that follow-up, what questions do the reviewers have – aka, what did you FORGET to put in there? This is all comforting, helpful, and make me feel like I’m moving forward at least.

IV. What I’m Doing Now

  • Re-discovering my personality

I had an interview awhile ago for a job I really would have liked. I wasn’t really confident throughout the interview because I’d prepared for something entirely different than what I encountered. I dreamed up impressive answers to generic but intense interview questions, I studied the library in question intensely, I thought big thoughts about librarianship. And I’m glad I did all this because now I have an entirely different view of where I want to go in the field and what kind of jobs can get me there… but no. These questions were hard. These questions were abstract. These questions were “Tell me about a moment when you felt XXX about yourself.”

I was interviewing after a full day’s work during a particularly hectic week. A hectic 50 hour week. It occurred to me, at this inopportune moment, that I had spent the semester focused so intently on resume-building and job hunting and working my ass off, I was too tired to be an individual. My hobbies? Listening to podcasts on the bus. My favorite part of the day? Sleeping like the dead.

  • Adjusting my job hunting strategy to a new schedule

I have more free time now to do such things as, oh, revive my personality. Yay! I also have less time where I am at jobs that chain me to a computer for extended periods of time. Oh, cooking and cleaning and showering and playing Skyrim is nice and all, but I can already feel myself checking out a bit… I need to figure out a way to stay motivated while working ONLY 30-40 hours/week.

Ahem.

 

I will probably update this later… UNLESS I just get a job in the next few weeks and my job hunt is exceedingly easy. But who am I kidding? I will surely think of something else to say before then, either way. I will probably have some kind of existential crisis and then 24 hours later get a job. That is just how I roll.

grad school
16 May 2012

graduate

Taking a few days off from blogging so I can graduate.

Finding a suitable reservation for 12 people on a Friday night during graduation season in a major metropolis is proving stressful. I need a little time to my self.

Here’s hoping that all my graduation pictures look like the previous pic and not like this one:

life maintenance
13 May 2012

saribeth

Dear Mommy,

I miss you.

I have been thinking about you lately, because I am curious to know what your Myers-Briggs personality type is.

If you don’t know, you can take the test here. If you want to. I understand you are very busy being awesome. Case in point, I was randomly surfing the internet tonight and found this article about Storyfest, and was like “Oh, snap, that’s my mom.”

I am excited I will see you in a few days!!!

Happy Mother’s Day!

Love,

Your First and Best Daughter

life maintenance
10 May 2012

what will i learn next?

So, this is my last week of grad school.

…

correction:

SO, THIS IS MY LAST WEEK OF GRAD SCHOOL YOU GUYS OMGASDFASDFWEreralkejr;lwk232

I have been in school since August of 2009. I have not had more than a week’s break from classes in almost three years. I’ve been working anywhere between 1 and 27 jobs. My life is school and school is my life. It now appears that I am being kicked out of my institution, and I must seek greener pastures.

Ideally, those greener pastures would include A Full Time Job, but more on that nonsense later.

And even if I was to suddenly find myself with a smashing, 40 hr/week career job, I’m afraid that I am a busy body. Taking class and working eleven-million jobs has exacerbated the problem. I can barely watch a movie or play a video game or sit quietly on the couch anymore. I need projects, I need to keep moving, I am probably bordering on manic but my Brain! Must! Keep! Moving! otherwise I start to panic.

Well, this post is getting weird. Onto the good stuff. In order to shut up my panic-brain, here are some things I would like to learn now that I have a little time on my hands.

Learn how to knit

I have been meaning to learn how to knit for years and years and years. My whole family does it. I am jealous of the things they can make. My roommate took two classes and could suddenly knit entire outfits, she was such a natural. I, on the other hand, knit this square, and that was it.

I would like to try again, but in truth, knitting might not be high on my priority list. You see, the reason I keep quitting is not because I am so busy or have questionable talent, but because I am too broke to buy yarn. While I will have more time in the near future, I will not have more money. Conundrum.

Learn how to speak Spanish

A) I have always wanted to learn another language. I took two years of Spanish in high school and two semesters of French in college. I can therefore speak not-much-of-anything, but I feel I could pick up a little of either language with a bit of practice. I’m no stranger to language-learnin’. Why not learn the language that, oh, thousands of my fellow American citizens speak? That would be useful, huh?

B) You would not believe how many jobs I am getting boxed out of because I do not speak Spanish. I am a little perturbed that my fancy grad school education has left me somewhat unemployable in this manner! Anyway, this skill could be marketable for me, as well.

Learn how to run a 10K

Okay, so you are wondering “hey, Jessica, whatever happened to running a 5K? Well I will tell you: I have been able to run 3 very slow miles (with reasonable/limited amounts of walking) since about March.

But right when I was getting comfortable running 2-3 miles 4 or 5 times a week, I got really-really-really-busy. I stopped having time for quite so many runs, and on the evenings I did have off, I collapsed in a puddle of exhaustion.

I am not really making much progress, mileage-wise.

Anyway, I’d like to get my momentum back, and I’m thinking about formally “training” for a longer run. I spotted a little training plan on the Marriage Confessions blog that looked completely…. reasonable. I think this will motivate me to use some of my new-found free time to get off my butt and run regularly again.

 

Learn how to meditate

Some people are really zen and chill and they never grind their teeth or accidentally hold their breath or sit with their shoulders up against their ears. Some people can shut off the talk-talk-talking in their brain for more than 1 minute. I think those people are happier than me and they can do all that because they have learned to meditate.

Maybe this is not exactly true, but I feel there is likely value in being able to sit in silence and be. That is not a skill I have cultivated. I think it could help my Physical-Manifestations-of-Stress problems, as well as well as make me a less anxious (aka less snippy, less weepy, more pleasant) human being.

This will be hard. The idea of scheduling a half hour to “sit” just blows my mind. Sitting? What is that? I’m either on the go, crashed on the couch, or asleep.

 

Learn how to get married

I went through a brief “Plan-your-wedding-before-you-are-engaged” stage. Years ago. When I had more time to day dream. And had no idea how much things like weddings cost. Anyway, I would like to get married sometime in 2013, so now is the time to learn… and learn fast!

This is probably a post for another day, but I basically want nothing to do with wedding-planning, so this could be painful. Can we skip right to the cake-tasting?

 

 

books
05 May 2012

may links

Interview with Molly Leach

So, how awesome is the 50th Anniversary cover of A Wrinkle in Time? This interview with the cover, Molly Leach, talks about how she incorporated the artistic “theme” of the original cover while creating something entirely modern. Excellent.

Fever 1793

I don’t gravitate toward historical fiction, but this post by Laurie Halse Anderson reminded me of how much I did like her story of the Yellow Fever plague… completely horrifying. Which apparently is how you suck me into a historical novel. Scare the pants off me.

The Problem is Not the Books

In my library class the semester, we’ve gone back and forth about what the librarian’s role is in providing “girl books” to girls and “boy books” to boys. I can see both sides of the argument… it’s hard to argue that librarians should ignore what their patrons want to read in lieu of more “gender neutral” titles, but at the same time, why promote a broken system? This article by author Saundra Mitchell, sums up the broken system pretty convincingly, but I’m still ruminating over how this comes to play in a practical library setting…

Rejection Letter

“This writing thing, it never has any guarantees. And I don’t mean that in this “well, of course it doesn’t, life doesn’t come with a receipt,” kind of way. I mean it in a gut-wrenching, black hole, you-will-occasionally-feel-so-worthless-that-you-will-want-to-hide-under-something-in-the-closet-for-the-next-year way.”

How, exactly, do you develop thicker skin? This article doesn’t have the answer, but it shows that no matter where you are in your writing career, rejection can knock you down. Maybe it’s just part of the process for some sensitive people (see: me)

 

Five Year Plan

Our plan is dreaming big, but it’s also possible

At this point in my life, I am thinking a lot about long-term plans – 5 years-ish. I liked reading about how this mom was able to propose a plan to get her where she wants to go, even with a family to worry about. It’s a balancing act, making plans with other people’s goals and opinions in the mix, but it doesn’t mean you have to be conservative. I’ll be keeping this post in mind as we continue to dream and plan over the next few months.

How I Decide Where to Focus My Energy

You don’t need a huge grand startup to make your life fun and interesting. You just need to have a challenging goal that you are trying to reach, each day. You need to be able to make money doing it: that is what a good job is.

Caveat: I think Penelope is 50% insightful 50% completely nuts. The trouble is, she alternates within a single post. Insightful, crazy, insightful, crazy. So I keep reading…

Anway, this post is about what to do when you look at your life and realize your personal career trajectory and then decide to either “stay the course” or develop something else.

15 Things You Should Give Up In Order to Be Happy

I clicked on this link, expecting to see practical, tangible things. The kind of things I imagine will make me feel better if I give them up – caffeine, sugar, stressful relationships, sleeping in…

but this list is like 100% zen. “Give up labels, your need to impress others, self-defeating talk…”

Sometimes, I like to read articles that remind me happiness and minimalism is not all about denying yourself, but giving up emotional garbage, too.

Organized Bravery

During times of change, the only organizations that thrive are those that are eager to interact and change as well. And that only happens when individuals take brave steps forward.

A little Seth Godin piece that rang true for me, especially my thoughts about the future of libraries. Let’s be brave and take risks, people!

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