April 22 – April 28

This life of mine is a teetering balancing act, right now. I keep adding things on top of the stack, carefully, but I have to be absolutely steady. Unwavering. If I think about failure too much, I start to get panicky and then I don’t perform and then I get behind and things start slipping. I must have absolute faith that everything won’t come crashing down on me.

I’m about to finish the semester without any major catastrophes. I haven’t even been sick, if you can believe it. I had a sore throat for like, one day.

But after a few days where things started to tilt, I realized just how much I absolutely rely on the support of this boy that I love. The crazier my schedule gets, the more he steps in to make my ridiculous schedule more manageable, more pleasant, and in some cases, just plain possible.

Some examples from the past seven days:

• Helping out with dinner when I can’t keep my brain focused on more than one process at a time…
• … and when my blood sugar falls so low I can’t make decisions or full sentences, ordering me take-out.
• Cleaning up after my sloppy self and not complaining when I keep piling up the mess.
• Doing the dishes twice for my every once.
• Even though he thinks I am crazy and am inventing smells, my heart skipped a beat when he spent an hour Googling and cleaning our disgusting, stinky dishwasher.
• Driving me to and from work, even across the river, even without prior arrangement.
• Driving me to get coffee, even when I wake him up too early on a Sunday morning.
• Driving me to work across the river at 9:00 a.m. on a Saturday, and when I dropped my iced coffee in the middle of the sidewalk, he went back and bought me another and hand-delivered it so I wouldn’t be late for work.
• Deciding in the midst of all THIS, that he wouldn’t mind just dealing with allllllthis FOR THE REST OF TIME!

All of these acts of service while also listening to me whine about work, applying appropriate comforts when I cry about the future, and generally forgiving me for being the world’s worst human.

Thank you. Thank you. Thankyouthankyou.

I could not do my life without you.

Reading:

• We All Fall Down by Nic Sheff
• Rot and Ruin by Jonathan Maberry
• Heaven is Here by Stephanie Nielson
• The Other Normals by Ned Vizzini

Listening to:

• I listened to an episode of JD’s Cocktail Lounge on Monday and had the song “Dividing by 70” stuck in my head all week.

Watching:

• LOST – We are trucking through this series with amazing speed. It helps that we’ve seen the first 2 seasons 3-4 times now…
• Accidentally/on-purpose watched the first two episodes of Girls. I like it!