All posts in: writing

07 Aug 2012

morning pages

I first learned about Morning Pages four years ago, when my fiction writing started to feel stressful, when I was getting ready to go to grad school, when I was feeling torn between a creative and professional life. The Morning Pages are part of Julia Cameron’s Artist’s Way – a longer plan for seeking creativity of all types. I’ve never fully committed to the plan, but the pages… they keep resurfacing.

Morning Pages are simple – wake up every morning and write three pages, longhand. You write whatever you want – the exercise is used to both foster creative discipline as well as clear your mental slate for more productive work. A journal with no expectations, no requirements except that you keep writing, stream of conscious-like, until the pages are full.

I’m not always great at writing in the morning – I take a long time to wake up, I get up late. I’m also excellent at crafting little excuses and lies – I never write three pages, for instance, always two, because my paper is narrow-ruled and my handwriting small. I’m also not convinced of their usefulness. Sometimes, I think that spending time on my inner neuroses doesn’t “clear the deck” – it just makes me more neurotic. So I start censoring my pages, which is counter-intuitive to the whole project, and then I start to question the exercise altogether.

But despite all that imperfection, I keep coming back. I started again last week because with all my road trips and vacations and sleeping in and decisions and the boy home on summer vacation, I felt like I lost myself. When I forget what my own voice sounds like, that’s when I want those pages, whether they are in the morning or at 5 p.m., whether I am neurotic or level-headed,

whether I am living like an artist or not.

writing

22 Apr 2012

a lesson learned writing

One thing I have learned this semester:

Writing for publication = so very different than any writing I have done so far.

I’ve been writing for a few professional blogs this semester and writing some book reviews for print publications. While I’m an old hat at writing for myself in this white blog box, I am still very new at writing and hitting “send.”

The anxiety is high.

I rarely write formal drafts for academic papers and fiction revising still eludes me, but now that I know it’s going directly in the hands of someone else who can decide whether to post or toss, I am a drafting queen. I look over things dozens of times before I’m comfortable. I need to figure out how to do this without missing deadlines (although not being so freaking busy would help).

I have zero faith in my abilities.

This is totally different than my blogging, my academic work. When I blog, I assume 2 people are reading (hello, 2 people!), so I trust myself to throw together a few sentences. I make little distinction between a “good blog” and a “bad blog” because it’s just me, sitting here, throwing spaghetti on the kitchen wall of the Internet to see what sticks, making bad metaphors, taking names… When I write papers, I stress, but I know deep down that I am an A- student. Anything higher, I’m on my game. Anything lower, I was probably slacking in some way. And the A- is good for me, it really is, so even in the worst of paper-writing throes, I know it’ll all work out.

That completely disappears when I’m writing for other folks. I am new, so I must not know what I’m doing. I don’t. Am I writing this book review properly? Does my tone fit in with the tone of this site? Am I too confusing, too cliched, too this, too that?

Whatever part of me thinks I am a competent writer leaves the room.

It’s not as fun/exciting/engaging as “Freelance Writing” sounds.

Again, I’m new, but so far it’s just anxiety and self-doubt.

Glamour level = zero.

But here’s the thing: despite what’s going on in my brain,

The results have been fine.

Faith in myself, flexibility, thicker skin, and persistence, I think will come with practice. Painful practice, but like running, maybe not painful every time or forever?

Blogging is easier because my sensitive soul avoids the scrutiny of others.

Papers are easier because I’ve been in school for 20 years.

But I think I’ll figure out this other stuff soon enough.

book lists

05 Apr 2012

reading wishlist: the books i like to write

There are 6 books standing between me and the End Of Grad School.

I’ve already read 4.

THERE ARE ONLY TWO BOOKS STANDING BETWEEN ME AND THE END OF GRAD SCHOOL!?!!!!

We have already talked about how I have no idea what I am going to be doing post-May-2012. I’m sure I will be doing Some Things that are Functional and Good (don’t worry, I already have some things in the works…) but one thing I know for sure is that I will be READING. And I will be READING WHAT I WANT TO READ.

What do I want to read right now?

Contemporary realism with female protagonists.
Series in which character evolution and exploration is the Reason You Read.
Writing that is funny/emotional/true/smart.
Books that look good in pink.

I’ve so enjoyed and appreciated the wide range of YA/children’s lit that grad school has provided me, I feel like I’ve lost touch with the kind of books that resonate with me, personally.

That’s completely okay, by the way. I’m a professional. I didn’t sign up for a degree in Reading My Favorite Books.

But yeah, I’m basically two books away from returning to the motherland.

Which are, I’m realizing, the kind of books that I’d like to write.

The Ouevre of Sarah Dessen

Last summer, I wanted to re-read all of Sarah Dessen’s books in order of publication. Summer is a great time to read Dessen – even her books set in other seasons just feel summery in your hands.

However, there were also other books I wanted to read and things like… oh… classes. Work. Trips. Life. I read That Summer and Keeping the Moon (somehow managing to forget I was supposed to read Someone Like You in between), but then summer was over and I entered The Fall of Sci-Fi Fantasy.

But it’s almost summer again, and I want to jump right in. I love how every heroine and story in a Dessen novel is completely distinct, but that the books feel like series-in-spirit. I love the intricate communities Dessen creates with her characters. I love the offbeat love interests. I love that romance doesn’t come easy, but the payoff is worth the trouble.

Her books, her style, her career are basically The Dream.

Megan McCafferty’s Jessica Darling series

I have written an exceedingly excessive review of this series already. But all personal-endearments aside, I think that it’s safe to say that these books’ success lies heavily on McCafferty’s successful creation of Jessica Darling’s voice. It’s the same voice that I think can turn people away from these books – the zippy language, the pop-culture jokes, the snark. But there’s nothing about Jessica’s voice that is ever NOT Jessica’s voice. Every line is authentic and reflective of her character, of where she’s at in her life’s journey. She has a lot of attitude, but she has a lot of pain behind it.

I also like how McCafferty takes the sometimes-tired Diary Format in odd, completely meta directions. Jessica writes in the journal – the pages you, the reader, are sharing – but then she stops because she’s worried that she’s been too honest. In between two books, she reports she has burned the first one. In Charmed Thirds she only writes during college breaks, because the school year has been too busy, but also because she’s done things during the school year she can’t justify to herself if she visits the honest-journal space. It’s a variation on format, but it always serves the story, which is so difficult and admirable. Lots to learn here…

Phyllis Reynolds Naylor’s Alice books

For a recent job application, I had to put together a 2 minutes video pitching a favorite children’s book.

No, I am not going to link to that video because I kind of hate myself on camera, but believe me when I tell you I wrote about the Alice books.

These are not necessarily terribly elegant books, the issues are issue-y, the conflicts tend toward the superficial. But I do not care because I am so attached to these characters. I grew up with them. I love that Alice starts as a middle grade series and inches slowly toward YA in a path that seems natural, authentic. I’d love to revisit this series (especially with the fancy new covers…) and I would love to write a world so enduring as Alice’s.

The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants by Ann Brashares

Okay. By this point you probably think I am a ridiculous person. However, The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants is not just a packaged-concept series, a somewhat stupid title, a fluffy teen movie franchise! This is a series with deft third-person narration that dips into our four narrators heads with ease. And unlike the movie, the relationships between these character don’t add up to a big nostalgic “We’ll Be Friends Forever!!” love fest punctuated by moments of unrest. These are DEEPLY complicated friendships layered with personal issues, family traumas, and just life.

I am more impressed every time I read this series, and I would like to give them a re-read before I get around to reading the last book, Sisterhood Everlasting. I’ve heard mixed reviews, but I must read for myself. I must.

This book has inspired me to “must” read a potentially bad/upsetting/tootoosaddening book. That says a lot.

Anna and the French Kiss & Lola and the Boy Next Door by Stephanie Perkins

This is the only “series” here that I am not personally attached to over a long period of time. But in January, I finally read Anna and the French Kiss. I wasn’t instantly hooked, but by the time I finished, I found myself “accidentally” starting to read Lola and the Boy Next Door, Perkins’s second novel that very same day. Perkins takes the Sarah-Dessen school of romance and brings it to the city, and also brings a tighter narrative focus. I think this worked against Anna, in some ways, but worked well for Lola.

I’m interested to follow Perkins’s career, and I’m also interested to re-read Anna and take a look at the first half that I looked over.

Ruby Oliver series by E. Lockhart

The Disreputable History of Frankie Landau-Banks is the book I love. But what pulled me into E. Lockhart in the first place was Ruby Oliver. The series begins with Ruby losing her first love and also becoming a school pariah. The rest of the series is her recovery… she rebuilds friendships, makes new ones, finds new loves, yes. Yes, this is all to be expected. But this is also a series about Ruby realizing her own weaknesses and negative tendencies… and then trying to fix them.

I can’t think of a writer who captures the real-ness of teen romance with more acuity than Lockhart. Horrendously bad, but at the same time horrendously amazing, and always an exercise of loving yourself. She does all this in a miraculously short span of pages. Envy.

writing

22 Nov 2011

writing, recharged

I am thinking a lot about writing, lately. Maybe because it’s November. Maybe because I’m always thinking a lot about writing.

It’s been a long time since I’ve worked on a long, fiction project, but I am still writing.

I write every day, actually. Emails. Entries. Papers. Paper journalling.

This stuff counts, I think. And the work I do – helping others with their papers, answering questions at the library? Essentially, these tasks are advanced communication exercises.

Writing a novel: also an advanced communication exercise.

There are some things I miss about working on a book:

The pleasure of self-directed, self-motivated work
The ritual of regular writing – the assembling of gear, the blocking off of time, the routine
Staying in tune with the writing and publishing community online
Watching the word-count in the corner of the screen go up and up and up
The way it changes my relationship with reading
Feeling like I’d finally found a challenge
The sense of having a project that is 100% your own, where nobody else can “enter”

It’s more intense than my daily writing, more personal than academic. But it’s also quite a bit riskier. Even if you tell yourself that nobody has to read this draft – or any draft – fear & doubt & insecurity & demons inevitably enters your psyche.

People say a lot of things about writing, about writers. That you shouldn’t try to be one, because it’s painful, it’s difficult, and you probably won’t succeed. You need a thick skin. That you aren’t a writer unless you are writing. That if you were a real writer, you wouldn’t be able to keep yourself away from your work.

I hope this isn’t true. I hope that I can do the kind of writing that doesn’t pain me, but engages me. I hope I can still be a writer even if my fears and demons keep me away from the craft for awhile, that the words will be waiting for me when I get back. I hope that I don’t need to undergo an entire personality change to succeed.

I remembered how to get up early again (see: French Press). Originally, these early hours were for exercise, but it got too dark, too cold. Lately, it’s been for reading and re-centering and kitty-cuddling and the DVR.

When this semester’s madness is over and I suddenly have no classes and few job hours, what will fill this morning space?

I am thinking a lot about writing, lately.

grad school

10 Dec 2010

NaNoWriMo Diaries – Day 40

Date: December 10, 2010

Day: 40

Goal Word Count: 50,000 (and then some)

Current Word Count: 25,016

Progress Report:

NaNoWriMo, you have bested me yet again.

Last time I checked in, I was crawling out of the cave of paper-writing – I was behind on my wordcount, fatigued, and oh guess what: there were MORE papers waiting for me!

Sometime during that week, I decided that spending a few hours a day with a novel that sucked pretty bad was just taking my time away from doing other more important things, like homework, like reading, like regaining my sanity.

So I gave it up.

And I’m totally cool with that.

Thinking:

I’m thinking that even though I have given up, again, I will still champion you, NaNoWriMo. You have a lot of detractors out there, but screw ’em all. I still remember the first time – the adrenaline, the words flying off my fingers, the stories unrolling at my finger tips, and I think that can happen again for me. And yes, I could decide that next month is the month for me, but there’s also something great about being part of a novel-writing team, about updating your little wordcount thingamawhatsies and seeing, quantitatively, where you’ve been and where you need to be.

That magic can happen. It will happen again, for me, and it will happen in November.

I just couldn’t see it out this time.

I gave up on you this time, but I won’t give up on you forever.

Feeling: Satisfied

Moody Author Photo:

Until we meet again…

grad school

16 Nov 2010

NaNoWriMo Diaries: Day 16

Date: November 16, 2010

Day: 16

Goal Word Count: 26,667

Current Word Count: 19,650

Progress Report:

Holy crap. I am behind. So during my last report, things were already flagging. This past week, I kept coming up short – 300, 600 words short – and the next day always felt worse. I was happy to be at least LESS behind than I was the day before, but never quite caught up.

Then, I had that paper due Friday that needed major rethinking/reworking.

Then, I had an 8 page paper to write for my literature class.

I had a limited amount of time and an unlimited amount of stress, and I made the executive decision to abandon novel writing until today, 11/16/2010. And I’m also trying to toss back 150 pages of Louisa May Alcott and a critical article before 3:30 today… so yeah.

Thinking:

Turning in my paper yesterday afternoon felt like crawling out of a cave. I don’t even want to get into the details of how I wrote this paper, but let’s just say it was a brief, excruciating process that involved installing LeechBlock onto my browser. At any rate, I hit the “send email” button and immediately suited up for a run. The sky was completely gray, I was the only one running, I was really sweaty even though it was kind of cold, and I couldn’t tell if my stomach was empty or full and I generally felt weird. I felt like crap. The feeling continued on into the night, like I didn’t want to even deal with all the shit in my life I’d been putting off in order to complete my schoolwork.

This morning felt better, but I’m still a little hazy. So I’m thinking about two things:

1) Daily habits are really important, even if they don’t seem particularly effective. If you wake up and sit down with your writing every day, first thing in the morning, then your mind is moving in the right direction, even if the words come slowly or you feel crappy or your mind just goes numb – at least you are going through the motions. My mind ~~should~~ must be ready to start writing today, now that I am out of the cave, but because I let go of “the motions,” it’s like my body and my habits have to readjust. It’s exactly like trying to exercise again after taking a few weeks off – you had good reasons for skipping the gym, and you were okay with your choice, but as soon as you start up again, it’s like your body and lungs didn’t get the memo that it was “okay” to take a break. They still hurt and it’s still harder than it would have been if you’d kept up the motions.

2) Going into a cave is not something I knew I could do, really. I’m a consummate multi-tasker. I juggle a lot of baskets, and not just since grad school. I’ve always been a basket juggler. And I thought that it made me happy, in a Renaissance Woman kind of way, but there was something elementally satisfying about turning off the world to write that stupid paper. I shut off other priorities, one by one. Class reading? Gone. NaNo? Sorry. Cooking? Take out. Laundry? I can pick through piles of clothes for a week. Socializing? No. No. No.

And I got it done. I’m not going to make any guesses about my grade, but the work did get done.

This seems like a useful skill to develop. It’s kind of fun juggling baskets, but I worry that it’s not great if you want to get SIGNIFICANTLY better at something. And I would like to get significantly better at writing fiction.

Feeling: Out of sorts

Moody Author Photo:

grad school

09 Nov 2010

NaNoWriMo Diaries: Day 9

Date: November 9, 2010

Day: 9

Goal Word Count: 15,003

Current Word Count: 13,556

Progress Report:

Folks, this is the point in the month where I start kicking myself for doing so little planning. Sitting down to write is mostly painful: the pulling words to pulling teeth analogy is feeling apt. If I had any idea what I was going to write when I sat down, I think the Opening a Word Document Anxiety would be alleviated.

But looking on the brighter side, I’ve met almost all of my daily goals since my last check up. I fell behind on Saturday – I forgot how the weekends can be rough for me. See: all of my homework that I never get done on my days off. This is a bad habit. I would really like to use this extra time to get ahead, because I will be spending the 24th and the 28th in the car, and the days in between shuttling around between friends and family, and then only two days to recover and finish.

Plus, oh, final projects and school.

I also decided to switch points of view last week, from first person to third. But maybe I’ll switch back. Because I can.

Thinking:

This week I’ve been thinking about two things.

The Zero Draft

I must have read this almost two years ago, but Laurie Halse Anderson wrote something on her blog that stuck in my head like glue:

My YA novels usually begin in my frustration with a situation that many teens find themselves in, something that makes me upset. (WINTERGIRLS = Eating Disorders, f.ex.) But I think that if I focused on plot first, the stories would never go beyond “problem novel” fare. To me, the most interesting element is character. So I ponder a situation, do a lot of character freewriting, and wait for a new voice to pop into my head and start whispering. I do not worry about straightening out the plot bones until after I have written a mess of a first draft.”

This is comforting for me, who is staring at a word document with multiple POVs, crazy plot lines and character relationships that seem to have nothing to do with each other, and no idea about what will happen next. But I’ve also been reading up on dramatic structure, and the takeaway from that research is that without structure, nobody will want to read your book.

But maybe, like Laurie does, I can take an entire draft – a Zero Draft, if you will – to figure out my characters, and in the next draft let them tell me what they really want to do.

A Glass Case of Emotion

This week was a big, fat reminder of how completely incapable I am at controlling my emotions, and how easily I let them sway my behaviors.

Last week, I was on a roll. I had this new scheduling system that was working out really well (shut up!), I was prepared for my classes and starting assignments early. I was nailing my wordcounts.

Then, on Friday, I got a poor grade on an assignment I worked really hard on. My professor’s comments were not terribly specific, and amounted mostly to “You need to change the focus of your research project.” This normally wouldn’t bug me – I’m not as big of a GPA fiend as you might think I am. However, 1) I worked extra-hard on this project, deliberately, and was not rewarded for my efforts, 2) The grade I received made it impossible for me to get even an A-minus in the class, and what was worse, 3) The project is ongoing, which means I still have another part of the assignment due, which apparently needs major revision and reformulation. And this part is due on Friday. Also, 4) hormones.

So yes, I was upset for all of those reasons, and suddenly, the insecurity I was feeling about my coursework seemed to trickle over to my NaNo Word doc, too. Anything that put me in front of a computer, really. And with the project deadline looming, and no clear work to be done to get a good grade, everything in my life feels kind of… crappy. I can’t really focus on anything.

This is obviously a problem, and it doesn’t just affect my writing. Even the magic schedule that was last week’s salvation is unappealing. I don’t know what to do about it, currently, except slog, slog, slog and try not to wish too sincerely for someone to put me out of my misery.

Feeling: Shitacular

Moody Author Photo:

grad school

02 Nov 2010

NaNoWriMo Diaries: Day 2

Date: November 2, 2010

Day: 2

Goal Word Count: 3334

Current Word Count: 2205

Progress Report:

In what will probably become a regular occurrence this month, yesterday I found myself with an entire, delectable day at my disposal, but far too much to cram into it. Insult to injury: I began my impeccably planned day by failing to set my alarm properly AND once I woke, found that I’d set my clock 10 or 15 minutes slow. Who does that?

Anyway, for some reason I thought it would take me an hour to write 1667 words. It did not. I spent an hour in the morning and then another before bed, but after such a jam-packed day, I fell asleep before I could get to 1667.

Not the best start, but I did get up at 6:00 a.m. this morning and pushed it up to 2205 before breakfast. Hurrah!

Thinking:

A very brief history of Jessica vs. Nanowrimo:

2007: Finished, with a novel that I still think has potential, despite some MAJOR flaws that make me crazy just to think about them.

2008: Tried a new POV and an off-the-wall setting, but did not finish, mostly because I contracted a feverish illness THE DAY BEFORE THANKSGIVING and yes, I still went Black Friday shopping, because I am an idiot.

2009: Thought better of taking the plunge, but did it anyway, resolving to intentionally write the stupidest story ever committed to words for the sole purpose of greasing my rusty fingers. After 10,000 words or so, decided that I didn’t have enough for my character to do for a full 50,000 words, and decided to invite two more narrators to the party. Did not finish, again because of an impossible Thanksgiving weekend, this one packed with two 16 hour car rides, numerous family obligations, a paper due on Monday, and A BROKEN LAPTOP SCREEN.

Aside from all of those circumstantial excuses, the only real difference between my 2007 success and my 2008+2009 failures?

Planning.

I went into 2007 with a plan. I had characters. I had plotlines for each character. I had little arcs for the relationships between each character. I had a structure. I’d tried out the voices of each narrator to make sure I could write them effectively.

So of course, I would try to write a novel in 2010 without much planning. I am awesome.

What I Do Have: two characters, a vague idea of an ending, an idea of their main conflict, competing plotlines (which one will win?), a setting, character sketches, and a brand new notebook in which to write all of this down.

What I Need: a solid narrative voice (yikes), a clear plan to get from beginning to end, ideas for scenes, an idea of what good writing actually amounts to.

So in addition to setting aside writing time, I’m setting aside planning time. Today, I spent 15 minutes typing up as much of a favorite novel as I could, into a Word Document (Try this! It’s kind of fun to look at whatever words you respect as they once looked to the author: Times New Romaned on a white background), spent 15 minutes analyzing what each sentence accomplished for the scene or the novel, and then spent 30 minutes brainstorming ideas to write about because… um… I’m already out and it’s DAY 2, PEOPLE!

Feeling:

Scared Shitless

Writing is really, really hard and really, really scary.

Moody Author Photo:

Stay tuned for more updates as the month FLIES by… and add me here!

grad school

07 May 2010

academic writing and caffeine addiction

I am about a page and a half away from the page requirement on my last final of the semester, but I think I could potentially overshoot it by a mile. Which has never happened in the history of me and writing papers, let me tell you.

But a lot has changed since I wrote my first five-paragraph-essay in the ninth grade.

At some point, Desmond Harding told me that if I turned in a five-paragraph-essay, he would shoot me in the head. Or something like that. I thought it would be easy, but I accidentally wrote one anyway. Then I revised enough that it wasn’t a five-paragraph-essay, and then revised it some more so it wouldn’t suck, but something went wrong because I got my paper back with the words “NO FIVE PARAGRAPH ESSAY” written in the margins and I counted… and there were five paragraphs, and then Desmond Harding shot me in the head. Or something like that.

Dr. Patty gave me a dense book that I liked and told me I could write about whatever interested in for 10 pages and it wouldn’t be intimidating at all because it would be fun. He was right, even though he tried to talk me into writing about nature and conservation. Or birds. Or canoeing in Wyoming. Or something like that.

Oh, Dr. Patty.

Oh, Thoreau.

William Brevda taught me that yes, you can write a 10 page paper in less than 24 hours, with a hangover, if you dedicate yourself to the task. That means shoving down calories for energy, even if stress and peppperoni threatens to send those calories right back up the spout. That means closing down the library at 2 a.m. and moving over to Kaya, but you must then take advantage of the Idiot Studier’s Special – free additional espresso shots in the midnight hours. You must also resist altercations with your previously MIA boyfriend who drove all the way from the Upper Peninsula and went directly to said coffee shop without so much as a phonecall.

William Brevda taught me that with persistence, tears, and coffee, even such a painful paper can earn an A.

Desmond Harding told me that I should stop writing a five-paragraph-essay. Okay. I figured that one out. Then Mark Freed told me I should stop writing anything that wouldn’t fit on one piece of paper. From that day forth, I abandoned conclusions and most introductions. At that point, it was a good feeling. Letting go of unnecessary baggage feeling.

Last semester, I remembered how to do all that stuff I forgot about in the two-years I spent NOT writing academic papers. My paper grades were an accurate indicator of the variable memory of humans.

And this paper…. this final paper of my first semester of graduate school? This paper has taught me the following valuable lessons:

Somewhere, deep down inside of me, I like to write introductions. Two page introductions, apparently.
Writing without at least two shots of espresso at hand is mostly impossible.
A paper does not always have to feel like a death march.
Maybe the tools of fiction revision – the constant tinkering of sentence structure to achieve maximum effect, replacement of words to clarify intent and meaning – are relevant to academic papers as well.
I should get back to work so I can finish all 7 thousand pages before they are due in 9 hours or so.

life maintenance

16 Apr 2010

blogging about blogging

This blog is just a baby…

but I have been blogging in various other places on the internet for seven years, today.

I just didn’t know if y’all knew that.

So my relationship with The Online Journal is quite a bit different than most people who jumped on the jolly blog bandwagon later in the game. That’s not a statement of judgment either, just a statement of difference.

Many grown adult people woke up one day and said to themselves: “hmm… a blog sounds good!”

I didn’t know what a blog was when I started writing here. I actually refused to use the word until about 2007. I preferred the term “Online Journal.” Which is really the difference. My online life is not entirely separate from my physical life. I didn’t wake up and say “I think I’ll write about myself ad naseum and then publish it on an online space.” I was 18. It was the last few months of my senior year. I didn’t have a whole lot to say, but I picked up steam. My journal made me real-life friends in college. It continues to make me non-real-life (and that’s not a statement of judgment either) friends today. And strangely, writing this blog has helped me become better friends with people I barely spoke to in college

My online life is never far separated from me. I could never stick to a topical blog. I could never “professionalize” my blog into something I could put on a job application. I couldn’t privatize or hide or “friends only” anymore than I could privatize or hide my real life.

When I switched over to WordPress, however, I did push myself to do more than blather randomly about whatever was ailing me, to not routinely discuss work (since I had a Big Girl Job), and also to keep my life rated PG-13.

That’s it though.

Employers can find me here. Coworkers. Classmates. Teachers. Family members.

I don’t really care.

Hello, employers, coworkers, classmates, teachers, family!

I think this came up in my Library Management class last semester, but I’ve adopted it as a personal blog credo. Common wisdom states that your blog can get you fired, your Facebook pictures can get you fired, your Twitter status can get you fired, so you should keep your online life under wraps. Otherwise you’ll get fired. My professor took a slightly different stance: if you have a blog, and your blog shows that you are personally invested in the job you have/are seeking, and you come off as a good person who doesn’t snort coke every morning before getting on the bus to work, then your blog is just another way for your employer or future employer to get to know you. If you are an honest, good, respectful, interesting, amusing person online, then why would that be a problem in the workplace?

Anyway. I hope I’m coming off as honest, good, respectful, interesting, and amusing. And personally invested in the job I am seeking (books.books.books.books).

I have been doing this for a long time.

April 16, 2003

….take Brandon, the reason for my ranting. He’s this complete know-it-all type who likes to spout off about any topic whatsoever at any given time. Well, we were backstage, in the wings, and he comes up to me, like real close and our shoulders are touching, and I was freaked out…..

April 16, 2004

Oh my god.

An innocent three hour shift at the library gone wrong. It’s TOTALLY packed with high school students.

Some of them are in costume.

April 16, 2005

…then I do stupid shit and feel like I’m just getting more and more immature… like my reluctance to search for a job, or a car, or pay my apartment payment, or go back into a store to figure out why they overcharged, crying in the UC bathroom because I couldn’t buy a frappucinno…

April 16, 2006

There are bits and pieces of my life that make my heart soar, and bits and pieces that make me cry daily, and it all adds up to a big fucking DILEMMA (internalconflictinternalconflictinternalconflict) There are facts and there are idealizations and there are hopes and there are fears and there are realities… and I can’t figure out what is what sometimes…

April 16, 2007

…10. I have probably 40 pages to write before the end of the semester. Which isn’t too much for zee novelist that I like to consider myself to be, but class writing is considerably more painful than nonclass writing. Especially with 8-10 of those pages are Shakespearian research paper.

April 16, 2008

My mom is cool because she grew up in Ohio. Every summer she went to Girl Scout Camp or stayed with my great-grandma in Evansville, Indiana. Except for the summer she worked at a shoe store.

After her Senior Prom, she went to Cedar Point…

April 16, 2009

Where exactly does one LOSE a pair of sneakers? I hope someone tied the laces together and threw them over a telephone wire.

Happy 7th Birthday, Online Jessica.