All posts in: grad school

goals
16 Feb 2012

new year’s resolutions – one month in

Welcome to February. How am I doing about those goals that I set for myself over a month ago? I can’t even remember what all these goals are, so this should be interesting.

 

Start first-thing-in-the-morning writing

Boo to this one. We have two limiting factors:

1. I am feeling anxious. The first few weeks were okay, but when I started trying to do my ACTUAL work (required writing, if you will), I developed early-morning-“whydoihavetogetupanddoanything???” anxiety.

2. Sleep. Sleeep! I love it. I keep sleeping in until 7. Not conducive for work.

 

Next Step: Get up earlier. Muscle through needless anxiety. Get. Shit. Done.

 

Read 12 new YA releases this year

I have read four of the six books I predicted back in January. And 5 total! Yea-ah! My internship also surrounds me with enticing ARCs for 10 hours a week. This one won’t be too hard

Next Step: Post more reviews!!!!!?!!!!!

 

Continue to pursue a mostly sugar & grain-free lifestyle

I am totally off the wagon. I would blame this on my newly reduced grocery budget – replacing most of my expensive meat + nuts  with whole grains (quinoa, rice, etc) – but that’s not entirely fair. It’s like I was on, then I was off over the holidays, and never got back on. Every week I say “I’ll get back on! Once I eat XXX. Once I buy groceries. Once XXX is over…”

So there’s that. I think I’m still doing 50% better than I was before I first cut sugar in September – naturally avoiding a lot of junk – but still eating too much toast, buying bags of chips, baking muffins & cookies, etc.

 

Next Step: Go cold turkey on sweets? Oh, how I wish there was another way… but there isn’t.

 

Run two 5Ks

So, learned something new about myself. Apparently, I respond well to specific-acheivement-type-goals that constitute a legit challenge. Back when I set these goals, I remember forcing myself to the gym, thinking that if I ever want to meet my goal – heck, if I even want to legitimize this goal’s existence – then I better get started.

Three weeks later, I have run completed three three-mile runs. I can easily do a mile without wanting a break (or at least wanting one TOO badly) and doing 2 or even 2.5 isn’t a big deal.

So, moral of the story: I psyched myself out, thinking “Oh this resolution will be super hard,” and therefore worked my butt off, and this is now my most successful resolution. Take note, Future Jessica!

 

Next Step: Next goal: eliminate breaks – I usually take a breather after each mile or so to stretch/get water/re-group – and pick up my pace to something that’s not a 12 minute mile.

I saw an old granny running for the bus the other day, and I thought to myself “Oh man, if only I could run that fast at the gym…”

That was only 30% joke.

 

Be ballsy.

I am struggling with this one, but as you may have read this long-winded post, I may have turned a corner in my job search. I am currently only pursuing jobs that will set me on a good path in the Children’s-Lit-o-Sphere and put me in a good place on the globe.

Now I will still need to summon the ballsy-ness to FOLLOW THROUGH AND APPLY, because even though I am carefully selecting which future employers I will pursue, those same employers are likely to dismiss my application altogether. Must keep applying and not take 7-10 days to waffle on a cover letter.

I did, however, submit my very first job app this week. Yay!

 

Next Step: Apply apply apply! Network network network!

 

Work on a cleaning schedule

Ack. When you are out of the house 8+ hours each day, it is plum DIFFICULT to maintain any sort of effective cleaning schedule. Especially when I have due-dates looming and upper respiratory infections and OTC drug hangovers to contend with.

I would say that my apartment is currently a wreck, but someone special cleaned her up, top to bottom, on Valentine’s. 🙂 I am, therefore, feeling a little bit inspired to maintain this current level of spic&span.

Seriously. This boy I live with? He doesn’t clean as much as I do, but when he does, HOLY CRAP. He has skills. He just better at cleaning than I am. We could spend equal time on the task, and my end result is a sorta-halfway-clean apartment, and his is spotless. I need to figure out how to milk this talent of his in a more effective manner.

 

Next Step: Oh, there are so many choices. Laundry would have the biggest effect on my well-being, but is also the most challenging. Urgh.

grad school
14 Feb 2012

2012: week six

February 5 – February 11

This week started off with an ominous Superbowl. I went to the gym after work and ran my first 5K distance. Yay! Then I left the gym, looking forward to a nice night at home by myself with Netflix and homework, and found myself padlocked into my Boston-school’s residential campus.

Trapped.

I had to chase down a security guard.

And then the Patriots lost.

And then I had to write a paper and I got sick.

On Thursday night, I took some CVS-brand Nyquil and I pretty much didn’t wake up at all the next day. I mean, I got out of bed, but I felt like the walking dead. I had a Starbucks Doubleshot at 8:30 a.m., an iced coffee at 10 a.m., and half an energy drink at 3:00… and nothing. NOTHING. It was brutal.

 

My weekend was not much more restful. On Saturday night, my domestic-disturbance prone neighbor decided to lock her boyfriend out of the bedroom at 3:30 a.m., and he proceeded to pound on the bedroom door for twenty minutes, then go outside and lay on her door buzzer (which I can hear perfectly). Then come back inside and resume arguing.

I woke up still sick, running on little sleep, headed to work for 6 hours, and oh, that paper!

Urgh. Urgh. Urgh.

I’m having higher hopes for this week. I really am. More blogging. Less stress. More sleep. Less illness. That could be the Sudafed talking, though. I love Sudafed!!

 

Reading:

Listening to:

  • Will Grayson, Will Grayson on audio, which I’m definitely digging.
  • On Saturday, I was left alone in the apartment to work on my paper. Needless to say, a lot of Broadway occurred…

Watching:

  • The Boy and I finally watched that Temple Grandin HBO movie! So good!
  • Any Elizabeth Warren fans out there? I threw on Maxed Out, this documentary about America’s credit crisis on Netflix, and SUPRISE! She’s pretty much the star of the show. Also: don’t go into credit card debt because you might kill yourself and your family will still have to pay your debts/receive offers for additional credit cards in your name for the rest of their lives and it will just be sad, sad stuff.
  • More HIMYM. My two favorite episodes, currently: The one when Barney runs the New York marathon and of course, Swarley.


 

 

grad school
10 Feb 2012

radio silence

Busy Jessica is busy.

I was trying to figure out when and how to write this paper that is due on Monday. Busy Jessica doesn’t have time for papers! And then I woke up yesterday feeling quite ill.

I am okay, though. I wanted to test out the camera on my Brand! New! Work! iMac! and to show you how much Dayquil I’ve run through since yesterday morning, and look! I’m freaking PERKY-looking!

Or this camera is magic, because my brain feels less than perky. My brain, actually, feels like sludge. I can’t do simple things. Like hold my head up. I had a web-cam-chat for my online class and I was That Girl whose technology wouldn’t work. That is unacceptable! I am not a technological failure! I got a 98% in my technology class! But my brain… my brain does not care.

And the Nyquil didn’t help things any. I love Nyquil, but it’s 2 p.m. and I have yet to recover. I think one of my eyes is actually still asleep. That perky picture – it’s deceiving.

So that’s what I’m doing. Drinking syrup, trying to wake up my left eyeball, breaking computers, and staring at a blank Word document.

In lieu of an actual interesting post, I give to you: Jessica’s Wildlife Videography. I opened iPhoto on this fancy-schmancy computer and it wanted to download the videos I’ve taken with my little iPod over the past year. 90% of the videos were captured along the little pond by my apartment. They are very short, very boring, and usually feature myself panting and wheezing in the background. One video features an atonal song. Enjoy.



goals
03 Feb 2012

on employment

Sometime in autumn, 2009, I sat down and wrote up my first three year plan. There wasn’t much there – despite what you might think of me, I don’t micromanage that far ahead in time. I wanted to do a little macro-managing. Draw a box around Spring semester. “Turn 25,” “Turn 26,” “Turn 27.” A red line across the calendar when my student loans are due.

I have now reached the box that reads “Apply for Jobs.” I’d like to say that I’m feeling less anxious about ending school and finding employment than I did in 2007 when I finished my Bachelors, but I’m not sure that’s true. No, I am not having the severe mental breakdown that was my final semester in college. That’s good. I think I might die if that happened again. But I’m feeling that “The Whole World Is Out There, Jessica, And You Damn Well Better Choose Wisely Otherwise You Will Die Poor, Unhappy, and Alone.”

Yes. Apparently that’s what was waiting for me in that “Apply for Jobs” box at the end of my little calendar. Complete a challenging graduate program, continue to work and pay your bills, and do it all, with a smile, and, when you have a minute, decide your fate.

I’m being ultra-dramatic. Noted. But this is a hard state for me to be in. It is easy to let myself be too negative. I spend about 90% of each day being too negative.

Here is the 10%.

 

1. I currently spend a significant portion of my life working with undergraduates. I have a lot of negative things to say about working in academia, in general, and even some negative things to say about the current crop of undergraduates and their issues with technology/self-reliance/entitlement/hyper-achievement.

But at the end of the day, I get excited when a new crop of students arrives. Freshmen are fun: I get excited to meet them. To make little undergraduate friends. To watch them change, often dramatically, usually for the better. The group of students I met on my first day of work in 2009 are finishing their junior year now. I feel sappy about that.

This makes me feel like I could work with college students for the long run.

 

2. I helped a patron at the library who wanted to find information social workers and their career satisfaction.

I asked if she was applying for the social work program at my school, and she revealed herself to be a high school senior.

Looking back, I can see where I changed my reference-providing tactics. I explained the difference between databases and catalogs more clearly. I jotted down notes for her to navigate our website more easily. I suggested some search terms that I thought would be more helpful, more specific.

At first, I wondered if I was being condescending. But then I thought, that hey, maybe every patron I work with might like a few notes to figure out where things are on the website, a few call numbers, a friendlier, more welcoming demeanor.

Learning how to give great service to teenagers, I think, teaches you how to give great service to anyone.

3. There are a lot of jobs. There are a lot of places to live. There are a lot of jobs in a lot of places to live and I have very few mechanisms that are allowing me to narrow down my choices in any significant way.

I spent 90 minutes applying for a job just because it was in a place that I might want to live, and I felt mildly qualified for the position.

The more time I spent filling out the application, the more time for doubt to creep in. Do I even want this job? Would it make it worth living in the place I wanted to live? Would I be able to even sound like an intelligent person at a job interview? Assuming I get the position, would I actually be any good at it? Would I even enjoy it?

I decided not to apply. After wasting 90 minutes of my life, I vented on Facebook. A former library supervisor friend of mine responded with this:

“The job market sucks. The question are, IF I take this job will it give me what the qualifications I need for a better job in a few years? IF I live in this city for a few years, will the job qualify me to work were I want in a few years? IF I take this job will I have better references to get what I want in a few years? Good luck. This is a long term game.”

I was asking the wrong questions. Even if I don’t know what kind of job I want or where I want to live, I still know where I want to be in my career. I still know what I want my life to look like. This is an easy litmus test for selecting jobs. For now, I am going to apply for jobs that will set me on a path to get where I want to go, career-wise. I’m going to operate on the assumption that my personal goals will fall in line, no matter what job I have or where I end up.

And where do I want to be? I want to be an active and influential part of the world of children’s literature.

I want to be creating, not consuming.

I want to be constantly learning.

I want to be ambitious.

Art from Marla Frazee’s Stars

 

2
grad school
31 Jan 2012

2012: week four

January 22 – January 28

My (last!) first week back to school+work+otherwork+otherotherwork+internships+life.

For me, the first week is largely experimental. I spend a lot of time planning(obsessing) over my schedule in preparation for a semester. The first week back is putting theory into practice.

Am I really going to be able to do everything I want to do? Everything I need to do? What goals were too idealistic? How much energy will I really have?

Of course, it’s not a perfect system. It’s the beginning of the semester, so I’m still fresh and full of energy. I will, inevitably, wear out. And I have little homework. Hm. Where will that go?

Productivity-wise, did okay, but felt pretty exhausted all week. Energy during the day, but at night: go-to-bed-at-9:00 exhausted.

Oh, life.

Reading:

Listening to:

  • Of Monsters and Men – My Head is an Animal
  • Ellen Hopkins on audio. Much more bearable than in print.

 

grad school
23 Jan 2012

2012: week three

January 15 – January 21

Sunday: Boyfriend wanted to go out to a bar in the 5 degree weather. Convinced him to stay home and play video games instead. Win.

Monday: Fact-checked book reviews, mailed packages to reviewers, pulled books on a shelf, and let a friend take me out to Olive Garden for unlimited soup, salad, and breadsticks!

Tuesday: Came in second place at pub trivia! Our gracious (and smarter than us) teammates allowed us to keep the winnings (25 dollars at the bar)

Wednesday: Decided to go to the gym after my internship, which entailed a long, painful T ride that involved waiting for 20 minutes in a station with an unattractive girl with a cold singing country hits over a microphone.

Thursday: My boss returned from her sabbatical and took me out to lunch!

Friday: Worked late, came home late, skipped the gym, cleaned, packed, ran stupid errands, made plans to go….

Saturday: … to New York for the day, to celebrate our anniversary! Left on the 7 a.m. bus, got back into town just after midnight.

Reading:

Listening to:

 

boston
17 Jan 2012

beginning of the end

It finally snowed in Boston. Teacher Boyfriend had his first snow delay and is still in bed, snoozing.

Lucky boy. I am awake, trying to re-train myself to rise early so I have a fighting chance at surviving this next semester.

This next semester, which starts next week. (gag)

This next semester, which is my LAST semester. (gag gag)

So much context to think about, to worry about, to get stressed about, but then there’s the whole DOING it part that doesn’t allow for much thinking/stress/worry, lest you get behind.

I’m sure there’s a metaphor for life in there somewhere, but I think I’m just going to ignore it for now, put my boots on, put my head down, and get going.

grad school
14 Jan 2012

dear roommate

I am sad that you had to leave, and that I hope I didn’t make it too hard for you to go. Or too easy. I was aiming for something in the middle.

Anyway, I could really sit here and think about the reasons I will miss you all day, but here are just a few examples, to help you visualize how much you will be missed:

1. If I accidentally eat too many eggs and run out before I can buy more? No breakfast for me.

2. Never again will the words “So, there’s this lady whose blog I read…” leave my mouth. Really. Never! Who would I say that to, other than you?

3. I am back in the eating-brunch minority. My brunch intake will decrease dramatically. (Side note: why are 2/3 of my first examples breakfast-related? I have issues)

4. Bad things that will probably happen over the next 6 months: my library books will go overdue, I will lock myself out of the apartment more than once, Peach will meow sadly by her food dish during the day, I will have to go to bars with boys by myself.

5. Nobody will call the cops on the downstairs neighbors! Their late-night domestic disputes will go unpunished. Also, with fewer people around the house to eavesdrop, I will surely miss out on some of their choicier dialog, as will you! A highlight from last night’s discussion? “I can’t BELIEVE that I have allowed myself to be manipulated like this… BY A WOMAN!” And from today, “No, YOU’RE A FART-FACE!”

6. Additionally, nobody will believe that these quotes are real, other than you.

 

There are plus sides, too, I suppose. Peach now has her own room. She is currently sleeping in it – laying on a blanket, of course. And I’ve entered a phase of existence that feels much like what I do when I have a break-up: I suddenly realize how much time there is in a day. All the time spent hanging out and telling “so there’s this lady whose blog I read” stories has to go somewhere, I suppose, so I’ve been doing such things as A) going to bed even earlier (didn’t think it was possible, but hey!) B) forcing my boyfriend to have really long discussions about such comfortable topics such as religion (lucky Lance!), and C) going to the gym a lot. Yes, I realize you’ve been gone for like, 2 days, but believe me that all of those things have happened in 48 hours. If I can keep it up, maybe my life/relationship/waistline will be better, once I recover from my loss.

Maybe.

Probably not, but maybe.

But despite all of my bullshit, I hope that your move brings you joy and prosperity, I really do. Please move somewhere awesome so A) you will have a subsequently awesome life B) I can visit you all the time for vacations or C) I can force you to hire me at your library and move in with you against your will.

I really just wanted to tell you, though, how much fun I had these past few years, and that I am deeply worried I will never find another friend quite as awesome as you.

You will be a hard act to follow, so let’s just be friends forever, mkay?

Sincerely yours,

Your Roommate

P.S. Shout out to Faryle who, almost 3 years ago now, made this post possible. Forever grateful that you passed this lady off to me.

books
05 Jan 2012

perfect chemistry?

My reading year is off to a rocky start. Already.


I am really not a book hater. I can usually find something redeemable in any book. I get irritated in class when the Debbie Downers pipe up and point out the flaws in Every.Single.Book.We.Read.

But I just hated this book. It was full of product name drops, forced dialogue, stock characters, weird pseudo-racism, and teen movie plot cliches. Supposedly, it is a romance, but it was kind of an Edward+Bella romance, as in “We are meant to be, but we have no real character depth or personalities, so just please believe us when we fall madly, inexplicably in love and enjoy our lurid descriptions of each other’s perfect bodies.”

Maybe I just have higher standards for romance? This wouldn’t be the first time I’ve been accused of being “unromantic,” but that is an entirely different conversation…

This class is getting me nervous. I am going to be that Debbie Downer. I can feel it already.

2
books
04 Dec 2011

last/first

Dec. 2, 20011 – Finished last from-the-syllabus book of the semester

Dec. 4, 2011 – Finished by first not-from-the-syllabus book since August

The Borrowers was okay.

But Where Things Come Back?

Drool-worthy plot-weaving & writing + I-am-jealous-I-did-not-write-this-book + Sufjan Stevens + giant woodpeckers + LOOK at that cover!

Yeah, I liked it.