her life with books

Everyone kept asking me “When are you leaving?” I would say “tomorrow,” but they would ask “what time?” And then I would make a grumpy noise and left the room because there’s nothing more debilitating that thinking about waking up before the sun, just so you can drive for 15 hours to get back to your messy apartment that needs to be packed in less than a week and a variety of other various small, annoying decisions and responsibilities.

That “tomorrow” was yesterday, and I am now back in Boston, sitting in a pool of annoying nonsense.

And also: it won’t stop raining.

It rained all through Massachusetts, then started pouring when we pulled up (ONTO THE SIDEWALK!!) in front of our building and continued to soak us through while we hefted loads of crap up and down the stairs.

I was thinking: what is all this crap, and aren’t we just going to have to move it all to our new apartment in less than a week? Why did I sign up for this, exactly?

I went to bed hoping I would be that stupendously motivated woman I often think about being when I’m falling asleep. The next morning, why, maybe I would go for a walk before breakfast! But I woke up to more rain. The kind of rain where you don’t have to second-guess bringing the embarrassingly large umbrella or wearing the rubber rain boots that match zero outfits.

I was thinking: it hasn’t rained like this all summer, Jessica, and aren’t you a lucky girl to have walked to and from work all summer long without such jeans-soaking rain to chain you to the 39 bus schedule?

But it was raining now and it will be raining later and I will be wet and taking the 39 and our apartment needs to be packed up and we still don’t have our new car and Lance needs to call UHaul and I have to read Little Women AND Tom Sawyer in the next 10 days and goshdarnit why are books so long?

And why am I old enough that I can’t sleep on my parents’ couch for a week without inducing daily migraines and mysterious, lingering hip pain?

And doesn’t anyone know that I don’t WANT to be annoyed right now? I don’t WANT to forward my mail/pack things/eat up the food in my fridge/read Little Women/set an alarm.

I want to sleep in and read Under the Banner of Heaven and play Mario Kart and take a nap and when I wake up, somebody has moved all of my belongings into my new apartment, including me, sleeping on top of my bed.

Is that so much to ask?

So my blogging friend Ashley is doing this video blog thing for the month of August. Fun stuff. I watched her latest vlog while I ate my lunch just now – the theme? Things I Am Bad At – and I found myself wanting to leave all these sympathetic comments (“Oh, jeez, even people who know how to cook still cook the same things every night! And if you buy a DSLR, you’ve basically spent 500 dollars to guarantee your pictures will all come out pretty decent, which is what we all do, I think. And I hate mingling! What the heck? Can’t we all just sit at home and be friends on the internet?)

Then I started to think about the things that I am not good at, and I wondered if I were reading them about someone else, if I would jump up to their defense like I wanted to jump up for Ashley. Come on, self, we are all bad at life! Let’s just suck together!

Things I Am Bad At

1. Phone Skills

I am bad at calling people I don’t know. I am bad at calling people I do know. I am bad at returning phone calls. Heck, I am bad at just ANSWERING my phone, because I’m really bad at keeping track of the damn thing. I leave it in Lance’s car on a regular basis. Leave it at work and head home. Leave it at home when I head to work. I left my phone in one of the slots of a six-pack of Woodchuck, put it in my fridge, and couldn’t find my phone for four days. One time, my dog got out of the yard and when I bent down to grab her collar and haul her back in, my phone fell out of my pocket and it was in my neighbor’s yard for 12 or 18 hours. Even if I have my phone, it’s probably not charged, or I turned off my ringer for class and never turned it back on.

2. Maintaining A Steady Mood

I’m having a good morning! I walk to work and by the time I get there, I am inexplicably grumpy. Or, I have a fine day, no complaints, until I get home and I start to slowly die. Somebody is rude to me at the bank? Life ruined. Late lunch? Blood sugar crash – suddenly wish to die.

This tendency continues at a macro-level as well – for a week, I will cry every day, and then I’ll be fine. Completely healed of my emotional trauma.

It’s so annoying!

3. Reading One Book At A Time

Who can do that? Seriously. Impossible.

4. Keeping Tidy

I’m a wannabe neatfreak, but you would never know if from my apartment. I’m getting better at maintenance, but some things – hanging up wet towels, making the bed, putting away laundry, taking out recycling – just plain don’t get done.

5. Throwing Things And Having Them Land Where They Were Supposed to Go

Like the trash. Or someone’s hands.

6. Remembering To Take My Diet Coke Out Of the Freezer Before It Explodes

Urrrrrrgggghh….

I am good at a lot of things too. Maybe I’ll write about those later. Right now, though, I need to plug in my phone.

This is really ridiculous, but I totally love Getting Things Done.

I am obviously not the first person to make this particular assertion (read here, here & here to start), but it’s still ridiculous. For me.

I am not a CEO.

I am not a businesslady.

I am not a business student.

I have never taken a business class.

I don’t have any particular Life Responsibilities other than Do School, Housekeep, and Keep Cat Alive.

What I do have is needless, systemic stress that follows me from job to job, from state to state, from day to day, and a burning desire to categorize and compartmentalize every fifteen minutes of my life. So Getting Things Done is really perfect for me, even if I don’t have any high-priority business interests to manage.

The execution of the GTD system is almost wildly complicated, but quite intuitive. I’m not going to attempt to explain the mechanics, but, for me, the magic step is this:

1) Everything that enters your head leaves your head as immediately as possible, to a list. I like lists.

2) Regularly, the contents of that list are “handled” predictably. Some things are done immediately: do all two-minute tasks right away (what a great habit) Some things are recorded elsewhere (appointments on the calendar, notes for something in the future, phone numbers in the address book). Other things are tossed immediately (why did I write that down?) Other things are given the respect for thoughtful consideration they require.

Unlike the more traditional to-do list, this list doesn’t write your marching orders, your ‘Do This or Face The Wrath of Your Wrathful, Perfect, Imaginary Self’ stigma. Not everything can be done right away, or should be done right away. Your time does not belong to the list – the list is just the contents of your everyday brain, somewhere you can look at it, and make informed decisions instead of those dictated by guilt, procrastination, or haste.

3) And you still get to cross everything off in the end.

David Allen calls this a “trusted system,” and this is what my brain wants. My brain, rightfully so, does not trust itself to be it’s best self all the time, and actually remember to do everything I need to/want to do, or to always choose to do those things over the easier, more pleasant things. Like The Ocarina of Time. My brain currently gravitates to a Nintendo 64 controller more often than a schoolbook. And that’s okay, as long as my system is there to catch me back up when I’m done beating the mother-fraisfmoeining gdwatertemple.

If you trust your system, you can relax and enjoy relaxing, which is so peaceful I want to cry.

You get to play with lists without feeling the press of futility, knowing your beautiful, useful to-do list will most likely go ignored and be tossed, uncrossed, into next week’s garbage.

I’ll let you know how the Creative Productivity thing works out later.

Alert! I used to have a mullet.

Well, now that we’ve got that out of the way…

Bulletin #1: Until September 1, I only have two responsibilities – Show up to Work, Show up to Internship. It’s pretty much 9 to 5, five days a week, but really, the hard part is Showing Up.

Bulletin #2: I’m dropping down to two classes next semester, and neither of which will be cataloging. After receiving a friendly, introductory email from the prof that included the phrase “maybe you should drop the class” more than three times, I took the hint.

Bulletin #3: I will be back in Michigan in late August, and I couldn’t be more excited.

Bulletin #4: My cat went into heat for about three days. I couldn’t be more excited to drive her back to Michigan and get her fixed.

Bulletin #5: I have friends from home, 1, 2 and 3. Friend 1 is due in December. Friend 2 is due in January. Friend 3 is due in February.

Bulletin #6: We are getting out of the city on Sunday. I promise you this! I just don’t know where we are going…