I am looking back on the past months, six months, year, three years, and… I can’t figure out what happened. Yes, I did so many great, fun things, got so much experience, and I didn’t go broke, and took amazing classes and met amazing friends I hope to have all my life. I have a job now. I must have did it right.

But a big part of that was putting my head down, muscling through, and other metaphors that mean hard work. More specifically, I worked 40-50 hours a week on top of grad classes, worked seven days a week, skipped vacations and didn’t watch TV and took a lot of ibuprofen.

It wasn’t particularly fun. I wasn’t always sure of my choices, or even aware that I was making choices. Yes, I have a job, but for three years, I wasn’t quite human.

Now, however, I am. I have things like time and energy that I haven’t had for years. And what’s even stranger – when I last had these things, I was living in my parents’ house and making 10 dollars an hour and fretting over my long distance relationship. I have all sorts of adulthood and security, and time.

So what do I make of it?

Right now, it’s a struggle. Everything I’ve been wanting to do, everything I still want to do, everything that is fun and everything that is work, everything everything everything is here, on the table, but what do I do this weekend?

I’m still muddling through this transition, and I am sure to keep you updated.