25 Feb 2011
First, you are letting yourself have a second can of Diet Coke on some afternoons, to stave off or recover from a nap.
Then, you are feeling like you might die at 10:00 a.m., or like you might kill something… and you realize that you’d put off your Diet Coke, and once you have it, the world rights itself again.
And then, you are just getting up early, so you need a little pick-me-up, to go from Asleep to AWAKE!!!! with enough time to get your work done.
Then, you’re back to coffee every morning.
Then, you’re up to two shots of espresso every morning.
Then you’re up to two shots of espresso every morning, and an energy drink in the afternoon, occasionally, as a pick-me-up, on those long and draggy days, when you need to get things done.
And then, you’re just drinking it because… you can. And because it feels good. Until your heart starts to palpitate. And your pocketbook bleeds out on Starbucks. And you’re back on that dark, twisted spiral that leads you into the abyss….
14 Feb 2011
Last semester was such a mess, it’s not surprising that I’m feeling comparatively chipper lately.
But I’m still not sure why.
Still working 30 hours a week.
Still taking 2 classes.
Still sticking to the same routines.
Maybe it’s because I’m finally feeling social and mobile, dancing around Boston, visiting friends, spending too much money, staying out late and being thoroughly 25 (or 21?).
Maybe that’s why I’m feeling so peppy?
Or maybe it’s because my boyfriend is growing a beard.
Mmmm…. yeah. Gotta be the beard.
10 Feb 2011
I wanted to keep him.
I wanted him to stay forever.
How can you live when you don’t know how to sing?
Benjamin Alire Sáenz | Last Night I Sang to the Monster
Thanks to Jules for enabling the advancement and development of Blog Nerdiness.
Not that I really needed encouragement.
06 Feb 2011
Dear Grad Student,
You have two choices.
Sit on the couch, wrapped in a blanket, letting the Internet fill up your head because as soon as there is a half-second of room inside, you remember how much you suck, how much you hate school, how much you would rather throw yourself from a bridge than do your work, engage in critical thinking, because you know what? Even if you try really hard, try your best, you will still be miserable-ish and get less-than-perfect grades.
You can get up, get out of the house, get a strong cup of coffee in your needy little hand, get loud music on your headphones, and do the work. Make the hard decisions, do the hard studying, analyzing, and most importantly, do the hard writing.
It’s going to get done either way.
It’s going to suck either way.
The best you can do is put yourself in the position to get in the groove, and hope the groove will follow your intention.
Past Jessica Who Forgets Things Quickly And Needs Periodic Reminders